Page 32 of Rent: Paid in Full
I’m the one whimpering this time. I can’t help it. I’m not sorry about it either. I want him, and I want him to know it.
He looks up at me and opens his mouth. Showing me teeth and tongue. Showing me softness and warmth. Showing me heaven on Earth.
I slot my dick back into his mouth, and this time, he uses one hand on my dick while the other slides up my chest and rolls a nipple between a thumb and forefinger. Lips, tongue, mouth, and throat all work in perfect concert with his hands and his moans. The pleasure is unreal, big and heavy, drowning everything out. Ecstasy leans in and whispers my name.
I answer.
I answer with a long, mournful howl, a hard buck of my hips, an impossible arch of my spine, and fingernails that dig into my palms. Wave after wave of pleasure surges through me and out of me. He swallows it all, drinking it down, looking at me when it’s over and licking his lips as if he wants more.
His eyes spark and then darken. I see the slight twitch of his right shoulder, and I quickly step back, putting my dick back in my pants hurriedly and zipping before he can give me the post-orgasm torture I know he’s planning.
His face breaks into a huge smile, his lips part and quirk up at the sides, top lip flattening, bottom lip curving into a perfect half-moon. His shoulders quake and he makes a soft, gruff sound. A distant rumbling. Thunder rolling in from a long way away. It’s so beautiful it takes me a second to piece it together.
Ryan Haraway just laughed.
I reach out with one hand and brush a lock of hair out of his face. “Fuck me.” My voice still isn’t mine. “That’s a beautiful sound.”
That snaps him out of it. He jerks his head back, away from my embrace, and blinks at me. I think he’d like to say something scornful, but it’s taking him a while to get back to speed. He looks wrecked. Absolutely wrecked. His eyes are big black holes,his lips red and swollen, chest still heaving. He has a hand over his dick, but even so, I can tell he’s hard.
“D’you want me to take care of you?”
He scrambles to his feet, pushing himself up with one hand on the floor and the other on his knee.
“Nah, I’m good,” he says through clamped teeth.
“I meant what I said, Ryan. You can have whatever you want from me. Mouth, hands, ass. Whatever you want, it’s yours. No question. No price.”
He pushes past me, buck-kneed, as he staggers to the bathroom.
13
Ryan
You can have whateveryou want from me.
Mouth, hands, ass.
It’s been days, and the words still ring in my ears. Interrupting my thoughts, breaking my focus. Torturing my nights.
Mouth, hands, ass.
It’s yours.
The thought of so much as touching any part of Miller’s body without being paid for it leaves me dangerously inflamed. Dangerously afraid. Afraid for real because I don’t need to try it to know what it would be like. I know. It’ll be heaven and hell wrapped in smooth skin. Intoxicating. In fact, I’ve started trying hard not to breathe in when he’s close because I know what he is. A drug. A chemical reaction that causes a nuclear dopamine surge. A full-blown addiction waiting to take hold.
I have no idea how to explain what’s happened between us. Even to myself. Even though I’ve been right there, front row, every time. I don’t know how to explain it or organize my thoughts about it. I’ve strictly forbidden myself to think abouttaking anything other than money from him. That’s more than bad enough. It’s the last thing I ever thought I’d find myself doing, but I’ve already proved I can’t say no. There has to be a line though. I can’t take anything else. I can’t even think of any part of my body entering his. There’s no possible way I can do that.
I’d never recover.
There are only eight more weeks of the semester. I just have to keep my shit together, be professional, and stop thinking about him.
It’s hard not to though. He’s everywhere. Not just in our room. I see him everywhere. Seriously, I’m going so fucking crazy that yesterday I thought I saw him in the library.
Miller MacAvoy in the library. Can you imagine?
Wherever I look, I see him, whether he’s there or not. Laughing in the quad with his friends. A fist pump and a smile for Trip in lieu of hello, and a little slap on the ass for Dean as he heads to a lecture. A golden glimmer as the sun catches the highlights in his hair. A cocky up-nod when he sees me in the cafeteria, the icy blast of a steel gaze slicing through my clothes, leaving me naked. A slow, satisfied smile that doesn’t leave his face for hours after I’ve had his dick in my mouth. I see that smile every time I close my eyes. I see it in lectures. At Pepe’s. When I’m asleep.
Why the fuck does he have to look so fucking happy when he has sex?