Page 49 of Rent: Paid in Full
A nice cold shower. That should sort me out.
It doesn’t. It only makes me hyperventilate and hop around on the spot, gripping my dick in my hand and jerking it without really meaning to. I know I said earlier that I would give myself a big lecture about something, but right now, I’m struggling to remember what it was about. I go with a general, vague one instead, reaching around with my free hand and washing myself the way Miller did before he rimmed me. The same but a little more thorough.
Pull yourself together. Pull yourself together, for the love of all that is holy.
Stop thinking about Miller. Stop smiling for stupid reasons. Stop looking at his mouth.
And for Christ’s sake, stop trying to catch a glimpse of his tongue when he talks.
I come hideously hard. Hard and fast without a nice, slow build-up. So hard that I have to hold on to the faucet to keep my balance and have no choice but to yell, “I’m coming!” when I hear Miller knock on the door.
I feel weakened and breathless, with none of the mental clarity that usually arrives post-orgasm. My chest is heaving so much that I have nasty flashbacks of the last time I mistook myself for the sort of person cut out for fitness as I dry myself off quickly. I pat my face with my towel, and when I’m done, I look in the mirror in horror.
Jesus!
I knew to expect a hickey, thanks to Nic’s and Ben’s reactions. I was expecting something pinkish and small. Embarrassing andjuvenile. This isn’t that. This is big and angry. Dark red, almost purple. It looks like I’ve had an altercation with a vampire and come away second-best. The same part of my brain that wasn’t able to stop looking at the bite mark on my ass sees it, and it makes something shiver inside me.
Mine.
Oh my God. I’m losing my shit. My mind is out of control. The bathroom is starting to feel way too crowded. Too steamy. Too sexy. Too lonely. Too far from…
I yank the bathroom door open, wearing nothing but a towel around my waist and something I hope resembles a businesslike, nonchalant smile.
Miller’s eyes widen, letting me know it’s a no-go for nonchalance.
“Are you okay?” I instantly hate the concern in his voice. “Are you having second thoughts?” I don’t answer. “Seriously, Ry, if you don’t want to, just say so. I don’t want you to do anything unless you want to. Despite what you might think of me, I don’t want that.”
This conversation and the whole situation are making me feel unsteady. To cut it short, I drop my towel to the floor and step over it. His chest caves, and he sucks a loud, guttural breath in, dropping his bottom jaw slightly as he does it. And fuck, I like it. I like how much he wants me, and I like the fact he doesn’t try to hide it. I like how he’s looking at me. Like I’m air, and he’s suffocating without me. He pulls his Henley off over his head, only breaking eye contact when he disappears from view. His hair is disheveled when he reemerges. His shithead grin is firmly in place.
“Did you jerk off in the shower?”
“No,” I lie with all the indignance I can muster, trying not to smile proudly at my dick, which is, for once, doing a sterlingjob of hanging limply between my legs despite the fact Miller is close.
“Pity. It’d be great if you had. Then you could take so much more of what I’m going to give you without blowing your load.”
Whoopsie.
Didn’t think of that.
My insides tighten in dread.
He curls a hand around my neck and traces the line of my jaw, a thumb glancing over my lips, warning me what he’s going to do next. He’s going to kiss me, and he’s giving me time to stop it. Or accept it.
“You know these pieces of you?” he says softly, looking down at my lips. “The ones you sell to me? Well, they’re like anything else. Once I’ve bought them, I own them. They’re mine.”
That’s all the warning he’s going to give. I know it, yet I don’t move. He lifts my chin as I stand there, frozen, on fire, and plants the softest, sweetest kiss I’ve ever tasted on my parted lips. It’s one of those kisses that tastes sweet but is laced with venom. It must be because I can feel it running through my veins. Poison. A toxin that makes me feel drunk. I sway when he pulls back. My tongue finds his first when he kisses me again, weaving its way into his mouth through his lips and licking into it greedily. He walks me back to his desk, sweeping the lamp, keyboard, and screen off it and onto his bed with little care that he might break them.
He cups my ass in both hands, playing with it, lifting and jiggling my cheeks for a while before pushing me back so the shelf of my ass is perched on the desk. He places my hands down on either side of me on the desk, wider than shoulder-width, and makes me lean back until my head and upper back rest against the window behind me. He nudges my legs open with his knee and kisses me again. I kiss him back harder and hungrily. More hungrily than he kissed me if I’m being totally honest about it.
While I’m distracted by the way his mouth and his stubble scrape my chin, he lifts my legs, bending them at the knee, and plants my heels on the edge of the desk. He steps back and opens his top drawer to get the lube out. That bit of space from him sobers me up.
Holy shit. How did I get here?
I’m stark naked, leaning back on a desk with my legs open wider than they would be if they were in stirrups at a proctologist’s office. I feel it. I feel it all. Every inch of the shame, the humiliation, and the arousal the situation warrants spills over my body and into my mind. I drink it down, gulping and choking on it as it comes in too thick and fast to swallow.
He places the lube next to me and looks at me almost kindly.
“You’re hot as fuck, you know that, Ry?” I badly want to argue or at least tell him not to call me that, but fuck, I can’t remember how words work. My tongue, which I’m sure usually plays an integral part, is heavy and thick. “So fucking hot.” He touches my chest with a flat palm and looks on as I quiver helplessly from the light touch. “So hot, I can’t take it.” His hand moves down my body, and his breathing becomes labored. “Never wanted anyone the way I want you.”