Page 19 of Loving Jemima
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to apologize for.” He grinned at her. “Lucky you’ve got a paramedic living next door. And lucky that you made that weird screaming noise.”
“Yeah,” she said, sniffing. “Yeah, I suppose.”
He took her hand again and she realized that he was taking her pulse. “Has that happened before?”
“What? Having a heart attack on the couch? No, thankfully.”
“Not a heart attack,” he said. “A panic attack.”
Panic attack. She shook her head. “No, no it hasn’t.”
“Alrighty, then why don’t you tell me what was going on before it started?”
She breathed. “Nothing. I was working, just working, then my laptop died and I hadn’t saved what I was doing and…” Her breathing got faster again.
“Woah, woah, slow down there,” said Paul. “Deep, full breaths, fill your lungs up and then empty them slowly.”
“Right,” Ellie said.
“So, you’re working on something big, I suppose?”
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
“Alright, you keep taking those big breaths. It’s the laptop here that failed?”
She nodded again.
He picked it up, tested the power connection, pulled at the plug in the socket, then reached down and picked up the connection in the middle of the power cord. “This’ll be your problem.” He plugged the cord back into the box, waited a second, then wiggled his finger over the mouse pad. The screen came back to life.
Ellie’s heart beat a little more slowly when she saw that her document was still open. Quickly, she pressed save. Nothing had been lost.
“Panic attacks happen when we feel anxious,” said Paul now. “You feeling a bit off? Nervous like?”
“I’ve got to start planning a big event tomorrow,” Ellie told him. “I suppose I’m a bit nervous about that.” Which was understating things more than a little.
Constable headbutted Paul’s leg and he reached down to stroke the cat. “Are you prepared?”
Ellie nodded.
“And are you the best person to be planning this event?”
“I’m not sure if I’m the best, but I’m more than capable.”
“Then what is there to be worried about?” Paul asked with a smile.
“Oh, only losing my entire career and everything I’ve worked for and having to fire Mo and losing my flat and…” Her heart was thudding again.
“You’re spiraling,” said Paul. “It’s anxious thinking. You needto stop that spiral if you can, remove the negative thoughts, or tell yourself something to stop them. Like telling yourself you’re capable of doing this. If you don’t, this’ll happen again.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t make me not anxious,” Ellie said, taking deep breaths again. “I mean thinking of collapsing in front of everyone at Darlington’s doesn’t do much for my anxiety.”
“You can see someone. Get a prescription for anti-anxiety meds. But part of that will involve learning coping techniques like I’ve just shown you.” He paused. “This has only happened once though, so maybe we don’t need to take things that far yet.”
“No, no we don’t,” Ellie said, gratefully grasping at the straw he was offering. “I don’t have time for that. Anyway, I’m sure things will be fine after tomorrow. It’s just first day nerves is all.”
Paul sat back on her couch. “What makes this such a big deal anyway?” he asked. “You’ve planned loads of parties, you’re great at your job. Which is a wee bit surprising for someone whose idea of a good time is an early night with Inspector Morse.”