Page 60 of Loving Jemima
Ellie had a horrified thought. “Your sister-in-law?”
“She’s fine,” Jem said. “Absolutely fine. The baby too.”
Ellie hadn’t known she was pregnant. Alright then, what else could have happened? She didn’t have a clue. “Jem, you have to talk to me. Please. I’m here for you, I can see that something’sterribly wrong, but I honestly don’t know what.”
Jem put her glass down, put both hands on the bar and bent her head, closing her eyes. “I told him.”
“Told who what?” Ellie asked.
“I’m an idiot, such a fool. He’s the worst of the bunch, I should have known what his reaction would be. But he was so different at the hospital, actually human for once, he was so worried about Rosie, so in love with her. And I thought he might understand, might actually be able to show some empathy, so I told him.”
Ellie’s stomach rolled and an acidic taste rose up in her throat. “Him? Your brother?”
Jem nodded and Ellie suddenly understood what had happened, the pieces all falling into place.
“You told your brother that you’re gay and he…” She didn’t know quite how to put this. “He didn’t take it well,” she finished weakly.
Jem shook her head but said nothing.
“Oh God,” Ellie said. She stood up, going around the bar, wrapping her arms around Jem’s waist. “I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.”
Only then did Jem finally turn, sinking her head onto Ellie’s chest, beginning to shake until Ellie could feel the heat of her tears soaking through her shirt.
“I’m so sorry,” Ellie murmured again.
“I should have known better, I knew this was going to happen. I’ve ruined everything,” Jem sobbed.
And Ellie’s heart practically broke for her. Even though she knew, deep down, that being truthful about herself was the best thing that Jem could do, the only thing that she could do. It would all be for the best, she knew that, but that was the last thing Jem needed to hear right now.
“You haven’t ruined everything,” Ellie said. “I’m here.” She said the words without realizing it, only knowing after she’d said them that they were true. Jem being in the closet had been the major impediment. Now she was out, well… Things could be different, couldn’t they?
But Jem was pulling back, her face shiny and wet, her beautiful eyes puffy and swollen. “Oh God, Ellie. Jesus. I didn’t think, I didn’t… I wasn’t thinking. I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.”
“About what?” Ellie said, mouth getting dry, looking at Jem and pleading for this not to be true, pleading for Jem not to say what she feared she was going to.
“I told him it was you. He knows it’s you.”
Ellie swallowed and felt her chest growing tighter. Her breath started to get faster. “Your brother knows it’s me? Knows you’re… what?”
“I told him I was falling in love with you,” Jem said miserably.
Ellie couldn’t breathe. Her chest was so tight it was like she was wrapped up in metal. Jem’s brother knew, which meant that soon Alistair Darlington himself would know. And then… and then it would be the end of everything. There was no way that she’d keep the party contract now. No way that she could start working on the reputation she wanted.
She tried to pull oxygen in, tried desperately to suck in what she needed, but it just wasn’t working. Her heart was thrumming in her chest, the separate beats barely even distinguishable.
“Ellie? Ellie? What’s happening?” Jem had gone even paler.
“Panic… panic,” Ellie said, forcing the words out of her mouth.
Jem let her go, pushing up the tap on the small bar sink, the sound of water running loud in Ellie’s ears. Then she let go of Ellie, rummaging around in the fridge under the counter, coming out with what looked like an ice bucket.
But Ellie’s vision was already starting to blur and she couldn’t be at all sure what was happening. There was a rush and a crackling sound as Jem emptied the bucket into the sink.
“Come on,” Jem said.
Ellie had no idea what she was talking about, what she wanted.
“Come on,” said Jem again.