Page 65 of Loving Jemima
He looked at her and she thought that he might even be angry, though she didn’t really know why. In fact, she didn’t know why they were arguing at all. It made no sense. Except probably she was already stressed and burying it and she hadn’t slept much and… And probably this was all her fault. Talk about reading too much into something. She took a deep breath.
“Sorry, I’m a bit on edge,” she said. Paul lowered his arm. “I know you’re just looking out for me. But honestly, everything’s fine, and Jem’s the last person you have to worry about.”
He leaned back against the banister again so that there was plenty of room for her to squeeze past. “Yeah, no, I’m sorry. I’ve been working long shifts. You’re a big girl and you don’t need me to look after you. Sorry for stepping over the line.”
She smiled at him now. He was a big teddy bear really, and it was nice to have a neighbor that looked out for things in the way that Paul did. Useful too, to have someone to save her life when she started feeling that panic again. “No harm done. Off to work?”
“No rest for the wicked,” he grinned, and jogged down the stairs as she unlocked her door and went inside.
THEY MET IN A little Indian restaurant, the sort of place that could be found on any street corner, and Ellie was sort of relieved that it wasn’t posher. She’d made a bit of an effort to dress up just in case, but she wanted to relax.
When the waiter came, Jem ordered a water and Ellie was the one to push for a bottle of something, uncharacteristically.
“Not like you to drink on a school night,” Jem said, when the waiter had hurried off to get what they’d asked for.
“We’re celebrating, aren’t we?”
Jem’s face dropped a little. “Are we?”
Ellie reached across the table and took her hand. “Hey, I thought we weren’t letting reality intrude yet?”
Jem squeezed her fingers and then let her hand go. “It has to at some point.”
“Wait, hold on, you’re the eternal optimist. How did our roles get switched over?” Ellie said, trying to eke some humor out of the situation.
“What does this mean for you?” Jem asked.
Ellie sighed. She obviously wasn’t going to be distracted. Fine. “Back to the way things were, I suppose, depending on just whatyour father plans to do.”
“Which means what?”
Ellie shrugged. “Bar Mitzvahs, birthday parties, small corporate events.” She tried not to think about the accounting that had to happen at the end of every month, the squeezing the budget to get everyone paid. Days that she’d thought were behind her with the Darlington contract.
“You’re underselling that a bit, aren’t you?”
“I… it’s hard to explain.”
“Because I’m rich and I’ve never worked a real day in my life?” Jem asked matter-of-factly.
Ellie rubbed her face. “Alright, it’s going to be a struggle. It’s always been a struggle, but the cost of living crisis hasn’t helped things and I know Mo deserves a raise and I can’t give them one. Two months ago I had to dip into my savings to get everyone paid. Last month I took half my salary. Things aren’t looking great and your father’s contract would have paid the bills for at least three months and would have meant a serious bump to my reputation.”
The waiter came, pouring wine and water and leaving a dish of poppadoms and chutneys.
“I’d help you,” Jem said when the waiter left. “Except I don’t think I’m going to be in a position to do so.”
“What does this mean for you?” Ellie asked, her stomach feeling funny at the reality of losing the contract.
“I’m not sure. I’ve been ignoring my father’s calls. I’m assuming that Jasper has already told him and I suppose I’m going to be cut off. Which, given that my father owns everything from my flat to my car, means I lose everything.”
“And if your father chooses to be petty, he could ruin my reputation,” Ellie said glumly. “I’d never survive that. The company would have to fold, I’d lose my flat, I’d lose everything too.”
“Christ,” Jem said, putting her head in her hands. “I can’t believe I’ve done this, I can’t believe I was so stupid.”
Ellie looked at her, her heart breaking a little. Then shereached out, a spark of heat in her refusing to let the darkness take over everything. “It wasn’t stupid, Jem. I meant it when I said we should be celebrating.”
“Celebrating what exactly? Me fucking up everything?”
“Not everything. You haven’t started world war three yet,” Ellie pointed out.