Page 68 of Loving Jemima

Jem bit her lip.

“Answer the question.”

“The truth,” she said. This wasn’t what she’d expected to happen. She hadn’t seen this as an issue surrounding the truth, not for her father at any rate.

“You know how important the truth is, and yet you’ve continually lied to me,” he said, shaking his head.

She felt tears prick in her eyes, but said nothing. She knew well that attempting to defend herself in a situation like this would only make him more angry.

“You never came to me, never said a word.”

As if she could. As if he’d been there.

He banged his hand on the table. “And you lied!”

She was shaking, could feel herself trembling at his voice.

“Have you nothing to say for yourself?”

She took a deep breath, keeping as steady as she could. “I’m sorry for lying, I apologize. I wasn’t thinking of it as a question of the truth, but you’re right, I shouldn’t have lied.”

This seemed to mollify him slightly and he leaned back in his chair. He shook his head. “I don’t know what to do with you, Jemima, I honestly don’t. You’ve been given every opportunity, and yet you squander everything.”

She took another breath. “I think I might have found something, Pa,” she said. “I think… I’ve been working these last couple of weeks and… and I like it.”

“You like it because you’ve been sleeping with the help,” he snapped. “Honestly, Jemima. She’s hired help, nothing more. Do you not have better taste than that?”

“She’s not help, she’s not a servant.”

“She’s close enough and frankly, the matter’s moot since she’llbe fired just as soon as you and I are done here.”

Jem closed her eyes, her breath coming faster. Her father was right, she shouldn’t have lied. And now that she had, there was only one thing she could really do, and that was to take responsibility for her actions. She just didn’t quite know how to do that, how to fix the things that she’d broken.

“There’s only one thing to do,” her father was saying. “You working here was a mistake and I should have known better. You’re to stop immediately. In fact, you should take some time away and think about the choices that you’ve made.”

She nodded numbly. It wasn’t as bad as she’d feared. If this was all that was going to happen maybe she’d been wrong, maybe she should have been honest from the start.

“But there’s more than that, isn’t there, Jemima?”

Shit. Here it came. She nodded again. She couldn’t trust herself to speak. Her father was white hot angry and she knew he wasn’t done with her yet.

“I have every right to cut you off,” he said. “To simply disown you for lying to me. I’m not going to pretend that I’m happy about your lifestyle choices, but I will not stand being lied to.”

“It’s not a choice.” Jem’s voice surprised herself.

“What?”

“I said, it’s not a choice.” She straightened up in her seat. “Do you think I would have chosen this? Do you think I would have deliberately put myself in a position where I couldn’t be myself, where I was surrounded by people who hated the very essence of what I am? Does that sound like a choice?”

He looked at her carefully, templing his fingers with his elbows on the desk. “Very well. I accept it wasn’t a choice.”

Was that a small victory? Jem couldn’t really tell.

“But that doesn’t change what’s happened.” He sighed, breathing hard through his nose. “You are my daughter, Jemima. And believe it or not, I love you.”

It was the first time she’d ever heard him say that and it took her so by surprise that her mouth dropped open.

“You may disagree with some of my parenting decisions, butanything I’ve ever done has been with what I considered your best interests in mind,” he continued.