Page 14 of Let it Snow Queen
I softly rubbed at the hair on his chest. “I don’t even know what to say, Gallow.”
How about . . .you boys have ruined me? How could I ever be with anyone else now? Is there a world where I get to have all both of you? Can that be my Christmas wish? Does Santa deliver men?
He chuckled as he stood. Pulling back the blankets, he covered me sweetly as we curled up in the bed. “I’ve been thinking about doing that since the moment I fished you off the side of a mountain.”
A laugh escaped my throat as I settled into his comforting arms.
“I hope I’m not bein’ rude by askin’. But it sounds like, or seems like . . . maybe a setup like your family is something you might want?”
The question surprised me, though I guessed it shouldn’t have. “Polyamory? Yes, I do. Is that . . . okay with you and Fox?”
He smiled. “Seems that way, doesn’t it? Fox, Koji, and I are a package deal. We always joked about sharing the same girl, but it’s never happened. But I know it’s something we’d all like to explore.”
“Ha, well, you and Fox, yes, Koji, no. But I mean, it doesn’t matter. We live on different sides of the country.”
My heart dropped. Why’d I had to go and ruin the moment by saying that? Our snow globe cracked.
He considered for a moment. “That is certainly a complication.”
“Yeah,” I agreed weakly.
Chapter 9
Icurled up next to my Irish dad-bod king. He was like a furnace, making the entire bed cozy and warm, though he took up most of it. Snuggling him was comforting and safe. He slept soundly, the bottom of his scruffy red beard tickling the top of my head. And even though we’d just had mind-blowing sex, and my day had been long and dramatic, sleep didn’t greet me when I closed my eyes. My papa’s voice in my head gently suggested that I may be in an upcycle phase of my bipolar. That was likely, though the medication seemed to dampen the ferocity of my mania. It was still there, though. No pill would ever take it away. As my dad said, it was a part of me, and I could learn to live with it. Maybe that was true, but it was still annoying when I wanted to sleep.
I shimmied carefully out of Gallow’s firm hold and pulled on my thermal, one-piece pajamas. There was no TV or cell service to distract my mind, no access to watchlearn how to face paintvideos or conspiracy theory rabbit holes. For the first time in mylife, I was alone in my mind. The sensation was unpleasant, to say the least.
I snuck out of my room and down the creaky hallway. Koji was nowhere to be found.Good.Fox was asleep on the sofa, stretched out and looking like a model. Just glancing at him eased some of my anxiety. But I didn’t want to wake him, so I pulled on my coat and stepped outside into the frigid cold. The breeze had died down, so it wasn’t unbearable, but the snowfall had doubled in size. I puffed a groan when a flicker in the distance grabbed my attention. A small fire burned in the space where Fox and I had been building snowmen. Despite better judgment, I slipped on my icy boots by the front steps and crunched my way through the snow. The spot was hollowed out, surrounded by walls of frozen snow. In the center was a fire, and to the side was my nemesis, lounging back and reading a book. “What do you want?” he asked without looking up from his pages.
A stab of rejection pricked inside me. It wasn’t that I wanted to hang out with him, but there was literally nothing else to do but sit inside and listen to the guys snore. “Forget it. I shouldn’t have come over here.”
I turned toward the cabin when he spoke again, an octave softer this time. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. Join me if you want.”
Pausing, I considered, not sure if this was a trap—just another opportunity for this man to get under my skin again. “I have books.” He waved his rolled-up paperback as if luring an animal out of hiding. However, his expression was kinder than I’d ever witnessed from him. I exhaled a smoky breath. If I went inside, my mind would eat me alive. Distraction was the only thing that helped me on nights like this. I had no choice.
“Fine,” I muttered, stomping my way into his circle in the snow. “What books?” I asked as I plopped down as far away from him as possible.
He noticed and raised an eyebrow. Tossing me his backpack, he shrugged. “See for yourself.”
If anything, it was a mission to find something to make fun of him for. “Let’s see,” I said, my tone dripping with sarcasm. “What’s Koji reading . . .How to be an Asshole, The Complete Guide to Killing Baby Animals . . .” I jerked out the first title, my words freezing in my chest. Not believing what I was seeing, I pulled out another and another. “You have to be freaking kidding me! You read historical romance?”
His gaze locked on me as I pulled out another and laughed. “And . . . sci-fi alien romance? This is a joke, right?”
“Are you judging me for my reading habits?”
“No, I just didn’t expect you to havetaste.”
He chuckled darkly.Chuckled.“There’s a lot you don’t know about me. I like every genre. I’m a mood reader.”
I picked up the alien romance. “Yeah? What mood were you in when you read my journal?”
Through the flickering orange flame, I thought I caught him cringing. After a few beats of the silence that only snowfall could bring, he spoke. “That was wrong of me. Truly, I believed I was looking out for my friends and myself. A lot is riding on this account for me . . . a lot of people who would like to see me fail.I apologize.”
My stupid heart warmed a tiny bit. I didn’t want to believe the sincerity in his tone, so I changed the subject. “Why are you out here?”
“Why are you?”
“I asked you first.”