Page 56 of Your Rule to Break
“It doesn’t sound like you did.” I hand her a tissue from the center console. “EJ, what is this?”
Emilie takes a couple deep breaths, calming herself down.
“No, I really did. Your family is a dream come true. I feel like the universe is showing me what it’s like to have one that truly loves you, flaws and all. I’ll never have that. Fuck, I never had it when I was younger and needed it most.” She takes a few seconds to gather herself before she continues. “I felt like myself with them. No mask needed, and it’s so refreshing; like my bones feel lighter. I know every family has their issues but they just joked with you about your recent leaked video like it was nothing. I once got a B- in the fifth grade on a midterm, and my parents brought it up for years.”
I take my fingers and tuck a stray curl behind her ear. I don’t want to interrupt. I want her to keep going, get it all out.
She shakes her head. “Your family really loves you. That’s all. I don’t know what that’s like.”
Ouch.
“I know you’re going to tell me that they love me. And they do. I feel like they love me the programmed amount, but nothing more. It’s not surprising. I've never seen my parents hold hands, or kiss, like really kiss, you know?”
I frown before speaking, “That isn’t what I was going to say. I was going to tell you that you deserve better than that. They might think they know what they’re giving up, but they don’t have a fucking clue. You’re brilliant, brave, strong, and you love them even when they don’t deserve it.”
She cries harder, but it’s silent as her shoulders shake with tears.
“EJ, look at me.” I try to keep my voice gentle and level.
When her eyes finally look up to mine, there’s some part of me that splinters and cracks. Her eyelids are rimmed with red, some of her mascara is smeared on the sides of her eyes, and her lip trembles.
I put my mouth on hers, doing anything to stop that trembling lip. The one that could damn near ruin me.
Her lips are soft and hesitant under mine. I can’t tell if she’s surprised or if she’s holding back. But it doesn’t matter. She tastes like Aperol and orange. When she kisses me back, it’s like she falls into it. I could spend days holding onto her just like this.
This is much different than the first time we kissed in my apartment. That was deliciously frantic and like I’d never catch my breath again if I wasn’t touching her, covering as much of her body with mine. It was scorching. Tense. Hot as hell.
This kiss means something else. I’m trying to tell her things I don’t have the words for. It’s comfort. Reassurance. An apology that shouldn’t come from me but I do it anyway.
When we break the kiss, our foreheads press together, and it’s just our breaths in the front seat of my Jeep. I twirl a curl of her hair around my finger.
“Do you really want a tattoo?” I ask, changing the subject but something I’ve been thinking about since dinner.
She laughs, wiping her eyes. “Yes. I don’t even know what I’d want. I’ve almost gotten one a few times but never could see it all the way through. I feel like I have enough going on with my family, and I don’t need something else that would just be problematic.”
I’m surprised. Emilie always seems like she’s got the upper hand, with everything, but maybe not her family. The differences between her family and mine couldn’t be louder tonight.
“Thank you for everything. For bringing me here, introducing me to your family, ” she says, tears still heavy on her thick black lashes. “For kissing me the way you do.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll be back.” I kiss her forehead.
I don’t have it in me to tell her that I’ve never brought home a girlfriend as an adult man. How I've never let myself get close enough. How I’ve put up the silly, go-lucky, version of myself as the mask I wear.
How I've never put myself at risk, honestly.
But now? I'm wondering if I'd risk it all for her.
Chapter 30
Emilie
My brain is amess. A tornado full of things I need to accomplish and things I shouldn’t be thinking about. It’s hard to keep things straight. Plus, I’ve had a string of a few rough nights with my OCD.
Not uncommon for a streak of anxious days and almost sleepless nights to stack on top of each other. Nothing like your brain working against you when you’re already down and out.
That means I’m drinking an iced coffee bigger than my face and I’m convinced it won’t be the last one I have today. My eyelids are heavy, like my lashes are weighing them down, and my muscles ache like I’ve been working out too much. But really, I’ve just been awake.
It’s one of the first days where it feels like summer is truly on its way out. The wind blows, kissing my skin with the type of chill I love. Leaves are tinged with red and gold, most of them holding onto their branches—for now at least.