Page 88 of Your Rule to Break

“Yes. But are you?” My mom glances at my dad with nothing but love and adoration. I swear to god her eyes are practically sparkling.

“Of course I am. I’ll answer whatever questions you have for me, but let’s let you and your dad talk, ok?”

I look over at my dad, the strongest man I know, and I swear his lip is trembling.

“Emilie and I are going to finish dessert and have a drink. Take your time.” She rubs the side of my arm and looks to her husband, not a line of concern on her face.

My dad and I walk outside to the patio, the late October air crisp and the promise of winter hangs in the clouds. We sit down and the chairs are warm from the outdoor fireplace.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen. I just, it was so long ago. Your mom and I weren’t together, and if I would’ve known, I would’ve done something. You know that—”

“Dad. Breathe. I know.” I reach over and put my hand on his knee squeezing. He dips his head in his hands and taps a foot with anxious energy.

“I just feel like part of me has been ripped out. He didn’t have a dad. I left him without a dad.” His eyes are full of tears, and I swallow past the lump in my throat.

“You didn’t know. You didn’t do it on purpose. There’s nothing we can do about that now. We can only go forward.”

My dad picks his head up, and the way he looks at me hits my core—like it’s running through my ribs and chest. I don’t say anything but instead think about life—the big picture. It can seem like you’re doing everything right and then something like this comes along, jerkingyou back to what ifs. The thing about the past is that it can swallow you whole, if you let it.

I’m proud to be part of this family. I know if my dad would’ve found out about Brooks earlier, he would’ve done anything he could to make it right. I know I’m lucky and not everyone has these kinds of people to call home.

This isn’t about being perfect or keeping score. Family is all about how you handle the difficult times, how you show up for people when they need you.

I take a big breath, trying to compose myself. “The thing I'm pissed about is how you kept this to yourself. You didn’t need to carry this alone.”

“I love you, Zack. I want to do what’s right for Brooks, and for us, and I’m an open book from here on out.”

We stand together and he wraps me in a hug I know he’s needed. I squeeze him as tight as I can and say, “Dad, I love you. I’m proud to be your son.”

My dad and I talk on the patio for a long time. The sun sets and the moon takes its place as we warm our hands with the outdoor fire. I can see Emilie and my mom sitting at the island, talking and hanging out, and a warmth spreads from the inside.

“Listen, everyone is much more patient than me, but I’m starving. Can we have dinner?” Riley calls, standing in the kitchen with the patio door open, shaking as the cold air comes inside.

My dad jumps up, walking toward the house. “Honey, when did you get here?”

“Thirty minutes ago, I didn’t want to interrupt.”

We just talked about Riley and how she took the Brooks news. She was so happy my dad wasn’t ill or part of an illegal gambling ring that she actually cried tears of relief. She’s planning to meet Brooks, one-on-one,when he’s back in New Jersey. The NBA season just started, and he’s got a string of away games.

We walk inside, the warm air welcomed. I didn’t realize how cold I was outside until now. I sit in the barstool next to Emilie and give her a kiss.

“Your lips are freezing!” she shrieks, putting her warm hands on my cheeks, which must feel like icicles to her.

Next she runs her hands through my hair, something that I’ve come to love and crave, and asks, “How are things up there?” She taps my temple.

I look around the kitchen, to my sister and parents getting everything out for dinner, just like they always do. To be honest, I was afraid this would break us, crack our dynamic in some way, but I don’t think that’s the case.

“Thankful. Good. Relieved,” I answer.

“And what about here?” She puts her hand on my chest, right above my heart.

I put a finger under her chin, tilt her mouth up, and press a kiss to her lips.

“The best it’s ever been.”

Chapter 47

Emilie