Page 17 of So Long, Honey
I hated how easily he said those words, like they were a compliment or a scientific fact he had read in some textbook. How could he even understand feelings as intense and life-altering as love? He was ridiculous. “You missed the five count,”he smiled softly as his hand left my chin, knuckles brushing over my jaw, and gently redirected my gaze to the football field.
The lights from our height twinkled and pulled in the night sky in the most beautiful way, creating a kaleidoscope of colors that illuminated the darkness. Everyone looked so tiny from this high, and I had braced for the nauseous feeling, but it never came. The breeze licked my hot cheeks and filled my lungs with fresh air. I felt free.
“You alright?” He asked softly from beside me after a few moments of quiet.
I nodded with a small smile. “It’s not so bad.”
“You feel it, don’t you?” he asked, shimmying so he was pressed completely against me, his eyes on me instead of the lights.
“I can breathe,” I whispered and turned to look at him. Our faces were so close that the tip of his nose brushed against mine as I focused back on him. “Why did you call me Starlight?” I asked him quietly.
“Cause that’s where you belong,” he said with conviction. "With the stars."
The response wasn’t what I had been expecting, and I wasn’t sure what to say to him. Ryan Cody confused every rational thought I had all at once. I wanted to be mad at him for dragging me onto the ride, but no matter how hard I tried to dig the feeling up from my subconscious, I couldn’t seem to find it. The irritation, the frustration… it had all melted away, leaving only a flourishing curiosity to understand him.
“You’re staring at me like I have two heads,” his brows pinched tightly, and his signature smile flattened into a straight line. “What’s going on in there?” He asked.
“Astrophysics,” I mumbled, half joking, but it made him bark and throw his head back. His hat fell from his head, and the windrustled through the dirty blonde strands wildly as he brought himself back and pressed his forehead against mine.
The strands of his hair tickled my face as his eyes darted to my lips and back to my terrified gaze. I must have looked so stupid, frozen still from his touch, unsure of what he might do next but willing to let him…
His chest filled slowly, and his hand lifted to push a few pieces of my hair behind my ear, never taking his eyes off my lips. The brave little girl in me was screaming for him to do it. It would be my first, and what a story it would be.
But my mind was stringing together a cautionary tale in fragments:he’s a flirt, he doesthis with all the girls, you aren’t the only one,and worst of all,this is all a game to him.
“Ryan,” the panic seeped from me, slowly at first, but then became a tidal away of fear as he inched toward kissing me.
Our lips brushed, so close to contact when the ride kicked to life. I yelped, ducking against his chest and digging my fingers into his sweater. My reflexes kicked into overdrive as he sighed and rested his chin on the top of my head.
“It’s over,” he whispered to me and shifted backward to catch my gaze as the ride stopped again, and the metal bar popped free, letting us off. “You earned some cotton candy,” he said, staying close behind me as I took the stairs off the platform to the grass.
My stomach heaved, and I swallowed the vomit that rose quickly before giving him a small nod. “I’m going to go to the bathroom,” I said, backing toward the school, he stepped in line to follow, but I shook my head.
I needed a moment to clear my thoughts and breathe air that wasn’t tangled with his intoxicating smell. I had almost just kissed him, I had almost just let him kiss me…oh god.Ryan stared at me for a moment. I could tell he was contemplating ignoring me and following anyway, but he nodded.
“I'll go find you some sugar.” He smiled softly and flipped his hat back over his messy hair.
The main hall of the school was open for access to the bathrooms, and there was a small line to wait in, but it gave me time to sort through all the wild thoughts that had been brought on by Ryan. The way his fingers felt on my skin, and he stared at me like I was the only person in the entire world. It was terrifying and exhilarating.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that all of this was contrived. It was pieced together by the school in the form of tutoring sessions and forced interactions. Did Ryan want to be around me, or was I just a silly little distraction?
I needed to ask him.
When I finally got inside, the last stall in the girls' bathroom was empty, and I was almost finished when the sounds of three pairs of feet flooded in the door.
“He’s just messing around,” the voice of senior Cadence Williams huffed over the sound of two other girls agreeing with her instantly. It could only be Georgia and Paisley. “I just don’t understand what his game is, hanging around someone like Loner Lorraine?”
Well, that hurts.
I waited quietly in my stall, tucking my feet against the base and all but holding my breath so they didn’t hear me.
“I heard it's a bet he and Landry made,” Paisley’s high-pitched, droning voice echoed over the door, followed by Georgia’s stupid giggle.
“Sure, who can get in the loser's pants the fastest?” Cadence hissed. “She’s probably so desperate for human attention she doesn’t even notice he’s screwing with her.”
I curled my hands into my lap and put my head down, just praying for them to leave soon. Sitting in the school bathroom crying in my lap about a boy wasn’t exactly my plan for the night.But everything they said made sense. Why would he actually mean what he said? There was more than enough evidence that high school boys were mean and manipulative.
Was he out there laughing at me with his friends? Laughing that I had almost given in after only a week of talk? I must have seemed so pathetic. A tight, disbelieving laugh fell from me.