Page 32 of So Long, Honey

“Oh…” I laughed, the sound hollow and frustrated. Like a long sigh. “This is about who he is, his last name.”

“You’re the mayor’s daughter, Lorraine.” My mother said.

“You say that like he’s the king. He's the mayor of some backwater Texas shit hole!” I snapped the anger from herjudgments bubbling to the surface alongside the need to defend Ryan with every ounce of energy I had.

“Lorraine Field!” She snapped. “Watch your language.”

“I’m sorry,” I said without meaning a word of it.

“There will be no more tutoring, that boy will no longer be allowed in the house, and I don’t even want to see him on the driveway. Do you understand me?” She lowered her tone as her jaw tightened.

“He needs my help!” I argued.

“He’s turning you into someone I don’t recognize!” My mother snapped, a few pieces of her perfect blonde hair falling from its bun.

“Of course, you don’t recognize me. I’m standing up for myself.”

“Excuse me?” She shook her head. “Go to your room!”

“Yeah, I’m going,” I said, grabbing my little glass figurine and my schoolwork in my arms.

“Don’t come down until you’re ready to apologize!” She added as I got to the kitchen door.

I turned to look at her and found her looking smaller than usual. Like during the argument she had lost all her bite and didn’t seem so scary in my eyes anymore. I smiled, knowing it would piss her off, but I felt free.

“It’s not like you would notice if I did, Mom.” I shrugged and disappeared upstairs before she could get in another word.

CODY

Iknew that knocking on the front door was a bad idea, but I couldn’t help myself. She hadn’t been at school again on Monday, and on the drive over, I had debated with myself about the possibility that her parents had locked her in the tower of their palace.

I was worried about her, and I was going to be polite and tell her parents to their faces that I was. So I knocked again when no one answered.

After I had left on Saturday, my brain never stopped. I had gone straight to the public library to look through any medical books I could get my hands on, but there wasn’t much about leukemia in any of them. There was, however, a ton of medical jargon that I didn’t understand and, frankly, only scared the shit out of me and my limited IQ.

When she told me, the first thing I wanted to do was cry.

But I wasn’t going to do that in front of her, so I’d waited until their front door shut and cried all the way to the highway. There were far more painful moments in life than my father kicking the shit out of me over skipping school. I just hadn’t been aware thatI would be subject to such agony so soon after meeting the one person in my life that didn’t make me feel like a disaster all the time.

I couldn’t believe that whatever God existed could inflict such harm on someone as sweet and smart as Lorraine. My heart throbbed in my chest as if someone had shoved a hundred tiny shards of glass into it. It was dramatic, and for about three steps off her porch, it had felt like the world was ending.

But she was in remission. She was healthy,for now, and that’s what mattered. But why couldn’t I stop dwelling on every little detail, all the small things that could contribute to her getting sick again? Did it even work that way, or was I spinning up issues to make the possibility more tangible?

I just wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

Stupid, foolish thoughts of a seventeen-year-old in love.

I didn’t even know if she wanted the same or if I could give her the life she wanted, but I knew that I would try. I would be whatever she wanted or needed me to be, as long as she allowed me to love her, healthy or sick, every day.

So I sat up in my room and finished what bits of my papers I could do without her help and I cried some more, so hard that by the time I was finished, I’d given myself the worst headache I've ever had. So I crawled into the bed and vowed to myself as I pressed my face into the shabby pillow that I would protect her from everything until the end of my days.

And then I woke up, went to school, and searched for her in the halls and the library only to panic when she wasn’t thereagain.I skipped the last period to make sure she was okay, but now after two knocks no one was answering the door, and my mind was spinning out of control again.

Maybe they took her out of town, swept her away, and I wouldn't see her for months again? I slammed my head on the door again, and this time, it swung open to Mrs. Field in a darkblazer and a nasty look on her face. Somewhere underneath the scowl line and the exhausted plastic surgery, she sort of looked like Lorraine. They shared the same vast blue eyes, but Mrs. Field’s were darkened by her disdain for life and my presence.

“Ma’am, is Lorraine home?” I asked politely.

“No, she’s at school. Where you should be, " she said and started to close the door in my face, but I put my hand up to stop her.