Page 63 of End It All

She shook her head as if my suggestion was outrageous. The anger settled back in the middle of my chest and I forced it away. I pulled out a wad of cash. I wasn't swimming in it right now, but what I could, I gave to my mom.

"Here."

She took it with eager hands. The smile that overtook her face lit up her brown eyes.

"Mom, it's for food, not more junk." I knew my words fell on deaf ears but saying the words helped my guilt. I could tell myself in those fucked-up moments that I tried. "Your phone is off again, I'll get it turned on."

She waved it off. "No, they bugged it."

I had no idea what she was talking about. I didn't have the mental capacity to have long drawn out conversations that would amount to nothing.

"Okay, but you need something in case of an emergency." I'd get her another burner that would join the ever growing pile of them in the far left corner.

Getting her food would work if I didn't know she'd let it rot and never touch it. I'd come by next time and there would be mold and fuck knew what else covering the place.

I couldn't get out fast enough. The moment the outside air hit me, I sucked it in trying to banish any emotion that tried to strangle me. I closed my eyes, taking in the city and centering myself.

The visit with my mom had gone exactly like the others, but I never went in without hoping it would be different. It was bound to never change, and the sooner I accepted the fact, the faster I'd get over it. The thought of going home to emptiness where all I had was trash waiting for me, always filled me with dread. I was no better than her. I stood there judging her, but I was the same. My reasoning meant nothing when faced with the reality that the apple hadn't fallen far from the tree.

I need a drink. Fuck, maybe six.

My phone chimed and I pulled it out of my pocket to see Blake’s name.

Blake: Are you allergic to anything?

Warmth ate away the cold that coated my veins. I wasn't alone right now. Blake was back at home.

Quincy: Commitment, boring sex, and mushrooms on pizza.

Blake: Wtf? Answer the question seriously, you asshole.

Quincy: Why? Are you planning to poison me?

Normally after visiting my mom, I found myself at the bar or at Silver Dreams. Sex, drugs, and booze dragged me out of the stupor that visiting her never failed to put me in. Instead, I was smiling as I texted the annoying roommate I reluctantly had.

Blake: Poison’s not my thing.

Quincy: What is?

Quincy: Let me guess. Me!

Blake: Fire.

My head tilted as I read the message over.

Blake: I'm making dinner and I don't want to send you to the hospital.

He was making me food? Blake cleaned my place and now he was making me dinner. What the fuck kind of alternate universe was I in?

Quincy: Not allergic to anything. Hate peas and turkey.

Blake: Peas are a good source of iron and how you fight you should be eating more of them.

Quincy: Put peas on my plate and I will shove them up your ass.

Blake: I'm not the one who takes it up the ass between us.

A shocked laugh burst free before I could catch myself. "Motherfucker."