Page 84 of End It All

"Okay, where are you? I'll come get you," Harlow offered.

"Like hell you are, we will send Tony," Benito shot back.

"I'm good. He's better off far away from me."

Harlow grunted. "That's not what I asked."

"Stop!" My chest tightened. "Stop pretending you give a fuck. Stop being there when you aren't." Pain was all I knew and felt as it twisted into something ugly inside of me. "You left without so much as a backward glance."

That wasn't true, Harlow hadn't had a choice in the matter. He'd been forced to marry Benito but it didn't erase the abandonment that I felt. It wasn't even something I gave a damn about now, but with Blake walking away from me, it dragged up all those old feelings and forced them on me.

I stood up and headed for the driver's side. There were too many emotions twisting inside of me. I couldn't hold onto a single one of them. "Don't worry about me anymore. I’ll handle my own shit."

Alone.

My chest feltlike it was on fire. It wasn't the blows we'd traded either, no, this was completely internal. I stared out the window, watching the city fly by as silence and cigar smoke filled the air. The sound of my father moving around didn't make me move. Instead, I stayed stone still, trying to digest what the hell had just happened. One minute, I'd been with Quincy, helping him... feeling something more than I ever had in my life. For him.

And the next, he wanted to abandon me.

"You're not going to cry, are you?" Cesare grunted as he tapped something onto my knee.

I glanced down. There was a bottle of vodka resting on my leg. He nodded toward it. After a moment, I snatched it up, ripped off the cap, and took two huge gulps. The burning almostmade me puke, but I swallowed down that sensation and took another swig.

"No," I finally answered him. "Got any weed?"

"I can have some brought for you by the time we reach my place."

That made me relax a fraction, but I was still tense. Everything Quincy said had cut into me. But maybe he was right. I was making up stories in my head, pretending anyone cared for me besides my mother was just laughable. For some reason, I had started to let down my walls without even realizing it, and now I was paying the price for that.

"I don't know what you have with that Quincy," Cesare said. "But do yourself a favor and let it go."

I shrugged. "Ain't got nothing with him."

"Bullshit." He laughed dryly. "I can see it on your face."

I turned to stare at him. "Have you ever been in love?" I asked.

He raised a brow. "Fuck no. Are you in love with him?" he asked, a look of disgust passing over his face.

I ignored him. No, I wasn't in love with Quincy. I didn’t even want to think about that.

I needed to know something.

"Did you ever love my mom?"

Cesare shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Do you want the truth or bullshit?"

I contemplated his words before I decided. My life the past few weeks had been spent in delulu land. No, I couldn't take another minute of people lying to my face. I needed the truth and I needed it right now.

“Truth,” I answered.

"I already told you, yes," he finally said as he seemed to think about it. “In my own way. Or at least I thought I did, but it never ends up like that.”

My heart sank, my stomach twisting more than it had all night. "That's what I figured."

"Look," he groaned. "Men like us, we don't fall in love. Not really. I thought I did for a short while, but every single marriage ended the same. Badly."

"Why?" I asked. "What the fuck makes me so fucking terrible to be around?"