Page 89 of End It All

"What do you mean by that?"

She huffed. "You're like him in that you'll ruin everything you come into contact with. He destroyed my future when I met him and you continued when he was gone."

The soundof the door opening cut through the noise of the city. I pulled out my knife and rested it on my lap. Black shiny hair came into view, and for a split second, I thought about Blake, but I knew it wasn't him. He didn't know about my moms place and he didn't want anything to do with me. Harlow twisted around, pulling his thick coat closer to his face. He huffed out a cloud of air as he finally spotted me.

"I checked Silver Dreams, Blu, Cat’s Meow, Havana Club, all types of shitty strip joints, and even a few back alleys." Harlow shoved his hair out of his face, his cheeks were rosy red as he made his way over to me. "This is the last fucking place I expected to find you." He climbed up and joined me on the highest part of the roof.

When I said nothing, his brows nearly kissed his hairline. "A cigarette? No weed?"

I couldn't look at a joint and not think about Blake. Any thought about him made it feel like my chest was a hollowed out cave.

"Fucking silent treatment now?" Harlow plopped down next to me. His suit was probably getting dirty but he showed little care. "You want to talk about it?"

I took a drag from the cigarette, not caring for the taste of tobacco. It never felt as smooth. The smoke was all wrong and there was no soft haze that blanketed me.

"Either start talking or I'm going to stab you," Harlow threatened.

I blew out a cloud of smoke that I waved away instantly. "I'm the one who taught you how to use a knife, think I can handle you."

"Yeah, want to bet? Benito swears he can handle it too and he never sees me coming. Had to stab him with the butter knife just to slip out this morning."

I shook my head, a small chuckle leaving me thinking about Benito clutching his wound and cursing Harlow out. "Why in the hell do you test that man?"

This was better than wallowing in the endless abyss that was my emotional state. I wasn't sure what to do. There was a thought if I allowed myself to cry again that it would relieve some of the pressure. But I knew that wasn’t true. I’d gone right back to bottling it all up. Probably wouldn’t be able to cry for years just like before.

"Good dick?" He nodded, answering his own question. "Plus, he loves it. Keeps him on his toes. If I was some basic husband he'd probably get bored by now."

I could truly say I didn't envy Benito in the slightest. I finished off the cigarette and went for another. I didn't need it, but the motion was oddly soothing.

Harlow fidgeted next to me, and I offered the pack to him. He quickly took it and patted himself down in search of a lighter. I passed the gas station one over to him. It was a cheap piece of plastic, nothing like Blake's Zippo. Harlow took in a few inhales as we sat there in the cold. My fingers were stiff but I made no move to get up.

"You have no idea how good this feels. Cutting back is hell," Harlow said, breaking the silence.

I glanced at him; he'd never talked so much. I normally filled the silence with words, but here he was, talking about nothing.

"We agreed to smoke less because of the baby. Her clothes were starting to smell like cigarettes. It fucking sucks ass."

I went back to staring at the multitude of buildings that blocked most of the view from the roof. "That's nice."

Harlow brought his knife down and I leaned back as it struck between my legs. I balanced the cigarette between my lips and held my blade against his throat.

"At least I know you're not suicidal." He backed off and sat down, putting his knife away in the process.

"Why are you here, Harlow?"

He gave me a look like I was an idiot, and I probably was one. "To find you, did you miss that whole explanation?"

"I told you not to bother with me."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you say a lot of shit I've ignored over the years. What's new?"

"I meant it."

Harlow sighed. "Probably, but what does that mean? I'm supposed to not come when you need help?"

"Didn't ask for any."

"Stop with this kicked puppy shit." Harlow punched me. "I got your back, I know I've been busy and life has changed, but shit, it's been me and you forever."