Page 79 of Forgotten Fate

We made our way over to the downed animal. The doe lay on the ground and I bent down to pet her head. Even though the guilt of killing her tickled my senses, it was replaced by relief knowing that my empty stomach would soon be full.

“Thank you,” I whispered to my prey.

Elias carried the deer back to where we had been resting, and I started to make a fire while he prepared the meat for cooking. When the fire was ready, I watched Elias finish the butchering. He had shown me how to butcher a rabbit, but a deer’s anatomy was much different.

“Can we use every bit of her?” I asked. I didn’t want the poor thing to go to waste.

Elias raised a brow. “You mean the deer?” he asked. I nodded. He looked down at the doe then back at me. “If we wanted to do that, it would take hours, maybe a whole day to butcher it properly. I wasjust going to cut the meatiest parts.”

I bit the inside of my lip in disappointment. “Alright. That makes sense.”

Elias shifted to turn more towards me. “What are you thinking about?”

I sighed, feeling embarrassed. “I feel bad, ending her life. I was just hoping we might be able to make every single part of her count towards something.”

Elias studied me for a moment. “You feel bad for killing an animal, but you’re okay that I just killed three men?” His question was stern, and caught me off guard. I thought we had gone over this, that I confirmed his murderous rampage on the bandits didn’t bother me. But clearly it was still weighing on him.

“I…well yes, I guess so,” I answered unsurely. “Is that bad?”

Elias looked back down at the deer and continued working. “No,” he said, but his tone said otherwise. I gulped, not knowing how to respond. I let him finish his work in silence. Then we cooked the meat in silence, and ate in more silence. The tension was unmistakable.

After finishing my last bite, I mustered up the courage to speak. “Elias… Are you—”

“We should get moving,” he interrupted.

My heart sank. Was he angry with me? Was my respect for the life of an animal upsetting to him because he had killed humans before?

I decided to let it go, hoping he’d open up on his own. But in the coming hours, we hiked in quiet. It felt like those first few days after we first met, when he barely spoke a word.

We were nearing the end of the day when we stopped to rest again. We still had roughly two hours of daylight, and were only a few days from the Forest of Torment, so close that I shouldn’t want to stop. But my head was beginning to ache badly, and I asked that we rest for a moment. I realized I was missing his touch – and thepleasure it brought – and wondered if it was becoming somewhat of an addiction.

“Are you alright?” Elias asked as I sat and rubbed my temples. I looked up to see a worried look on his face.

“Maybe,” I answered. “Can we finish our conversation from this morning?”

He shifted uncomfortably. “I’m not sure I have anything to say.”

I refrained from scowling at him. “Does my guilt for killing an animal upset you?”

Elias crossed his arms and averted his gaze. “I just hope there never comes a day when you’ll have to kill a person. It is not an easy thing to do,” he replied. His voice held a sadness that I picked up on immediately. I realized he didn’t mean literally, but mentally.

“But killing those bandits was to protect me. That doesn’t make you bad.”

He tensed. “If only every kill I’ve made was for that reason, then I’d feel no guilt at all.”

Confused, but wanting to understand, I walked over to him, placing my hand in his. Elias looked up at me, grief hiding behind his eyes.

“You’ve killed a lot of people, haven’t you?” I asked quietly.

I felt Elias squeeze my hand gently. “I wish I could tell you no,” he said softly. He averted his eyes again. “I’m…I’m afraid, Aura.”

The admission surprised me. “Of what?” I whispered.

“I’m afraid that if you knew more about me…about the things I’ve done…that you won’t feel the same way about me as you do now.” He looked back up at me and I offered a half-smile.

“I’m not going anywhere, Elias. Your past doesn’t scare me.” I reached up and caressed his cheek.

Elias gently took my hand to stop me. “You might. If you knew,” he said, slowly pulling my hand away.