Page 18 of Wedlocked

But still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something else was going on inside that gorgeous head of his.

5

Lars

Sometimes old insecurityreared its ugly head in unexpected ways. And sometimes it pinched your stomach and threatened a good time.

Truth was I loved skiing.

And I was good at it. Likereally good.

At one point, I considered taking up competitive skiing instead of swimming. Skiing in Sweden is very common. In fact, Sweden is the home of the largest ski resort in Scandinavia.

So why’d I lie? To Win of all people?

Panic. Fear. Conditioning from the past. Mostly because the second I saw the slopes, watched fat snowflakes drift from the sky, and breathed in the crisp wintry air, I was transported into the past.

Into a time and place where a different version of me existed. Well, no. That’s not right because, obviously, that version still existed even if I did try and deny it. If not, I wouldn’t be lying to the man I loved most in this world. Just when I thought I’d putit all behind me, my trauma reared its ugly head, reminding me I still had work to do.

I did my best to shake it off. To silence the echoes in the back of my mind. To ignore the way my muscles tensed as if they were preparing for a fight. I was not in danger here. This was going to be fun. Amazing the amount of energy it took to “have fun” when your brain was demanding otherwise.

On impulse, I glanced around, eyes wandering until I found Prism. He was standing off to the side by a display of snow boots while everyone else stood in line, weighed down with rental equipment.

A blue beanie was pulled down over his head, slashing over his eyes, and even though it also covered his ears, I knew he had AirPods in. He saw me staring and hitched his chin at me in acknowledgment, then looked at Arsen standing in line.

I turned to Win who stood there with his skis and equipment, only in line because I needed to rent everything.

“I’m going to go look at those gloves over there,” I told him, pointing to a display.

“I’ll hold your place, angel.”

At the rack, I looked through the selection of gloves, which were mostly all the same, and chose a pair without much debate. Instead of going back to the line, I wandered over to where Prism stood.

“It’s pretty busy,” I said when I drew closer.

He nodded. “It’s quieter over here.”

I stopped beside him, fiddling with the gloves in my hand. We stood there in silence, something I was grateful for. I didn’t have to pretend around him or smile or even try to fight against myself. I just stood there knowing he was probably fighting some internal battle too.

Sure, our battles were different, but it seemed the result could be the same, and just knowing that put me at ease. Hispresence, which I found calm and accepting, was something I really appreciated in that moment. I wondered as we stood there if I should tell him. That standing here with him just then made me feel a little less alone.

I said nothing, though, instead soaking up the camaraderie I felt with him in that moment, grateful for it but also maybe feeling a little guilty that his anxiety eased mine. Some of the knots in my stomach loosened, and the tightness in the back of my neck dulled.

I don’t know how long I stood there, but it was long enough that the line had shifted and Win was closer to the front. I would have to rejoin him soon since I was the one who needed the skis.

“Arsen’s getting my skis for me,” Prism said out of the blue.

I nodded, not sure what else to say.

He continued. “The crowd and the line… it’s a little overwhelming for me.”

A little surprised, I turned my head to glance at him. We all knew of his misophonia and anxiety, but he didn’t talk about it. Not since he’d told us about it.

“That’s okay,” I answered. “We all struggle with something.”

He was quiet a moment.

“Arsen helps.” He cleared his throat. “Makes it a little easier.”