Page 18 of Daring Destiny
I consider how much to share. I trust her. Spilling family secrets feels like a betrayal but it would be nice to have an outside perspective.
“Ah, it’s Cillian.” I put my fork down and sigh. “He blew me and Seamus off to get wasted again. It brings up a lot of old memories of my da.”
Astrid’s expression softens and her fingers thread with mine. “I’m sorry, Brennan. That’s tough.”
“It is…” Her judgment-free words have me choked up. I need to regain my composure. “He’s always been the brother I’m closest to. My Irish twin. We’ve been through everything together and I’m so worried he’s slipping away. I can’t bear to see him go down the same path as Da.”
She squeezes her eyes shut, as if remembering her own trauma. “It sucks watching someone you love make choices you know are bad for them. Unfortunately, sometimes, they have to figure it out and own their decisions.”
“I know you’re right but he’s been there for me and I want to return the favor. I’m MIA so much these days with all the travel.” I caress the top of her hand with my thumb.
She squeezes my fingers gently before letting go. “You’re an amazing brother, Brennan. He’ll come around.”
“The fear is overwhelming, don’t you think?” I take a sip of my wine. Astrid has her own family issues she keeps battened down, though she rarely shares much.
Her slim fingers tipped in red skim the rim of her glass. “Yeah. It’s like watching a car skid on ice. You see the crash coming, but you’re helpless to stop it. Nora’s back in rehab and I don’t even begin to think it’ll stick. Lark always has baby-daddy drama. One of the kids’ fathers is threatening to sue her for full custody. Another is behind on child support. The third she still sleeps with, so I’m bracing myself for another pregnancy. Somehow, I’m the one they always call for money only to resent me for helping. I support them from afar to protect my own mental health.”
“Ah, Astrid. That sucks. I wish there was something I could say to make it easier.” Jesus Christ, I’d give anything to take her in my arms. Hold her for hours.
Fuck her until dawn.
Of course, I won’t. I know where I stand. She’d freak out if she realized how many times I’ve fantasized about her giving me head.
We continue talking through several courses. Eventually, the conversation drifts to lighter topics. Astrid recounts the time a car dealership owner took a shit in a house she was showing, stinking up the entire place. I share tales of the pranks my brothers and I played on each other.
Whenever we hang out, time disappears. I’m genuinely sad when I realize we’re the only two people left in the place. The staff busy themselves, waiting for us to leave.
Astrid snatches the bill before I can, sliding her Platinum AMEX across the table with a grin. “My treat this time. You can get the next one.”
I laugh. “You’re too quick for me.”
“It’s about time I returned the favor.” She winks with great exaggeration.
Stepping out into the cool air, I don’t want the night to end. Each time we get together, I find it difficult to ignore my deepening feelings for her.
I doubt she reciprocates them. We’re business partners. Friends. Better to keep the wall up. The one I’ve grown comfortable with in my years of hiding behind work.
“Can I walk you home?” I hear myself contradict my inner voice.
Astrid slings her arm through mine. “Sure, it’s about time you asked.”
Now I feel stupid. Of course I should have offered. All these months, what was I thinking letting a beautiful woman walk twenty minutes alone in the dark? “Shit, Astrid. I’m such a dick…”
“Stop.” She presses her finger to my lips. “If there’s something I’ve learned about you, B, it’s you’re never deliberately obtuse. Once you figure something out, it’s ingrained.”
My breath stops. Should I tell her…
No. Why spoil things. It’ll freak her out.
As we walk toward the water, I feel a definite current between us. A buzzing, hopeful realization. What if Astrid wants to push things further too? Do I dare see where this could go?
Shit. I’m hesitant—afraid, even.
Our friendship is so important to me. As is our partnership. The idea of telling her my true feelings is a risk. From past experience, I know the pain when she rejects me will be paralyzing.
We reach her houseboat and Astrid turns to me. “Brennan, are you okay? You seem…I don’t know, like you’re in your head more than usual.”
“I’m fine, just a lot of processing.” I force a smile.