Page 41 of Daring Destiny
“I could get used to this,” I say as I glance at the menu.
“Youshould.” Astrid pokes my side playfully. “Knowing you, if I weren’t here, you’d have your laptop fired up after ten minutes.”
I roll my eyes, but she’s not wrong. “Maybe fifteen.”
“You’re supposed to relax sometimes, B.” She tilts her face up toward the sun. “You’re on vacation with a hot woman who likes you a little bit. Gives decent head. Fucks like a porn star. What more do you want?”
“I know, I know.” I take her hand.
She’s good for me.Toogood for me. In the back of my mind, I’m waiting for the crash and burn. The moment when Astrid tells me she cares about me but…
So far, it hasn’t happened. Our relationship feels natural. Easy. And our chemistry is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I’ve never had so much sex over a two-day period in my life, and we have five days to go.
The problem is, my mind always drifts back to my company. There’s a mess waiting for me back in Silicon Valley. It’s not just the power plays, it’s the daily grind. Every time I launch Slack, there’s some new fire to put out.
The executives from the company we acquired don’t care about our vision for CognifyAI. Their objective is to force products to market before they’re ready, maximize profit and cut costs. I’ve spent the past months fighting them on every little thing, from staffing decisions to product rollouts, but realize why the board pushed so hard to acquire them.
I’m totally outnumbered. It’s terrifying.
Astrid doesn’t know it, but I nearly canceled this trip a dozen times. The reason I’m here is because it’s December and there’s no board meeting until Q1. It’s the only time I’ll have off for another year.
Astrid watches me intently. “The acquisition integration is still getting to you, huh?”
“They’re pushing me to cut corners.” I try to keep the bitterness out of my tone. “And I get it, investors want fast returns, but I’ve never done things for money and clout. I’m about quality. Reliability. Can you believe they’re pressuring me to release a product before it’s ready, which will be a total disaster.”
She tilts her head slightly. “How?”
“One wrong move will set us back years. The company’s reputation could take a hit, causing us to lose trust with our clients. And for what? A temporary bump in revenue?” I shut my eyes and sigh, feeling all the calm give way to anxiousness.
“You feel like you’re in a constant battle.” She caresses the back of my hand with her thumb.
“Yeah. And the worst part is, they’ve got the majority on the board now. Every day they’re chipping away at my control. Every decision I make is questioned. Every move is scrutinized. I know they’re waiting for me to mess up so they have a reason to swoop in and take over.” My jaw clenches. I’ve never voiced any of this to anyone out of fear it will fuck things up.
Somehow, it feels like a relief to get it off my chest.
Astrid’s brow furrows. “No wonder you’ve been so stressed.”
I laugh, but there’s no humor to it. “Stressed doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’m barely holding on some days.”
Her fingers thread through mine and Astrid’s simple touch brings me back to the present, grounding me. “You’ve been holding on to this all by yourself,” she says empathetically. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I didn’t want to burden you with it. Some days I can hardly believe you still want to talk to me.”
She moves to my lounger and nestles herself against me, her knees tucked between my legs. “As your business partner and woman who cares about you immensely, I need to say something. You can’t let outside forces destroy who you are. Open your eyes, you sweet, stubborn man. You’re so much more than CognifyAI. Your worth is not because of what you’ve built, it’s inside here.” She taps on my heart.
I close my eyes for a second and hold her tightly as her words sink in. She’s spot-on. For years I’ve been wrapped up in a fight for survival. First building a life-changing product. Then, building my product into a unicorn tech company. I’ve achieved both, and somehow I’ve shifted the focus from growing to “not losing.”
It’s a no-win mindset. The truth is, outside of my family and Astrid, I’ve forgotten who I am outside of work. And I don’t give either of them nearly enough of my time, leaving me with…what?
“It’s hard,” I admit. “To come to terms with failure.”
Astrid fixes me with a stern look.
“It is,” I plead. “I’m starting to wonder if it’s even worth it. Maybe I should walk away.”
She studies me. “Walk away? Could you?”
“I don’t know.” I run a hand through my hair. “I’m tired of fighting for something that doesn’t feel like it’s mine.”