Page 62 of Daring Destiny
Astrid, however, is clearly frustrated. “Why are you being so pushy? You press too hard sometimes, you know?”
“I’m sorry.” I raise my hands in defense. “I know how much you love your family. I also know how much this hurts you. Maybe finding out what the story is could help.”
She’s quiet for a second, staring at me like she’s deciding on whether to say something. Or not. Then, she tilts her head and fires back, “Have you ever looked into your own tendencies? You get so focused on one thing sometimes and you don’t know when to stop.”
Shit.
As much as I’m taken aback by her retort and I’m not sure how to answer, she’s scored a direct hit. It’s so past time to tell her. I’m going to address it once and for all. Nevertheless, I glance away for a second to collect my thoughts before turning back to her.
She might never look at me the same way, so I’m nervous. I love Astrid. She’s my everything. I hope this doesn’t make her look at me differently.
“Actually,” I swallow the knot in my throat, “Ihavelooked into it. When I was in college, I was diagnosed with something called hyperfocus. It’s a form of neurodivergence. When I get fixated on something, I can’t seem to stop. It’s worked well for me—my company, for instance, has thrived because it’s been my world. But, it also causes issues. As you probably realize. It’s a constant learning curve for me.”
Astrid’s eyes widen, flicker with surprise and a touch of hurt. “And you’ve never mentioned this to me before, why?”
“Well…” I look away, feeling the weight of everything I’ve left unsaid. “I guess…it never felt like something I should have to explain.” I try to tread carefully because I’m teetering on a tightrope. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone thinks and works differently.”
She nods, clearly waiting for me to continue.
I search her face for clues as to what she’s feeling. It’s nearly impossible to explain what’s so complicated in my mind. “A, I didn’t hide it because I thought you couldn’t handle it. I just… I didn’t want it to be something that changed how you see me.”
Astrid’s face is blank. She just stares at me.
Of course, I feel an uncontrollable urge to fill the silence. To make her understand. “It’s never been something I broadcast. Even in my own family, we barely talk about it. Not because we’re avoiding it—it’s because…well, it’s part of me, but not all of me.”
“Oh.” Astrid searches my eyes and I can tell she’s not satisfied with my explanation.
“I promise I wasn’t deliberately keeping it from you, I don’t want it to be a thing.” I take her hand. “I’ve learned how to adapt over the years, but I know I can be intense. I know when I’m focused I forget things…”
“Uh-huh. Like forgetting to tell me about something so critically unimportant in your life that you deliberately hid it?” Astrid pulls her hand away and looks at the ground. Kicks a clump of grass.
Fuck. I don’t want her to be upset. I scramble to explain. “No! I work around it. Like, when you were upset with me about not being in touch as often as I should have been, I set calendar reminders to make sure I didn’t forget.”
She looks at me so incredulously, her mouth drops open. “Wait, what?”
“Calendar reminders.” I smile proudly. “It worked.”
Astrid’s face contorts with pain. “Let me get this straight. You had to set calendar reminders in order to remember to call me. So, all along it wasn’t because youwantedto call me.”
“No, ofcourseI wanted to call you. Why would you think otherwise?” I’m confused at what she’s not understanding.
“You know, Brennan. I postponed a lucrative showing to do brunch today. Why? Because I wanted to introduce my boyfriend, whom I love very much, to my parents who don’t give a shit about anything I do. Now I find out said boyfriend, after years of friendship, being business partners and lovers and—whatever the fuck we are—hasn’t trusted me enough to confide a critical part of his personality that he clearly is extremely bothered by.” A tear rolls down her cheek. “What iswrongwith me? Why am I not enough for people who matter most to me?”
She turns and storms back toward the car, tapping furiously into her phone.
That’s when I know how badly I’ve botched it. I’ve had years of opportunities to fill Astrid in about my situation, but no. I was a coward. Afraid the woman I hope to marry would reject me for something out of my control. Damn. My stupid fucking insecurity may cost me the person who matters the most.
Even worse? I’ve made her feel like shit. Unworthy of my trust. It’s the last thing I’d ever want to do. Not when she’s the best person I know.
“Astrid. Wait! The truth is, I was scared to tell you,” I shout as I run to catch up to her.
“Yeah, because you thought I was so shallow I couldn’t handle it.” Astrid whirls around. Her face is stony now. A wall is up.
I step toward her. “A, I would never… No…”
“Yes.” Astrid strides purposefully back toward the car. “I’m so pissed, I can’t even see straight. Pissedandhurt.”
I catch up to her. “A.C’mon. Please let’s talk about all of this.”