Page 42 of Shock & Awe

“It’s me you’re talking to,” Kelly murmured.

Nick was silent. He finally nodded again. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

Kelly held him tighter and turned into him, closing his eyes. “All these years, and you’re still a shitty liar.”

Nick woke to the disturbing sound of utter silence. The room was still, the expensive hotel’s infrastructure buffering the sounds from other rooms. The A/C had shut off. It took several moments for Nick to shake the confusion of finding himself in a soft, cool bed. It took him a few more to realize he was alone.

He stretched his hand out, running his fingers across the indentation in the pillow next to him.

“Kels?” he called out. He held his breath, nerves beginning to build when there was no answer.

He sat up and pushed the sheets away, looking around the hotel room. Pillows and clothing littered the floor. The comforter was gone. One of the bedside lamps had been knocked over. Nick could feel a split in his lip where Kelly had bit him. The chaise in the corner had been used for horrible things. The only thing missing was Kelly.

Nick slid out of bed and dug through his seabag for a clean pair of jeans. He was still zipping them up when he stepped out onto the balcony to find Kelly sitting with his feet propped on the railing, wrapped in the comforter from the bed.

“Hey,” Kelly said without looking over at him.

“Thought you’d bailed on me for a minute,” Nick told him, smiling. “What are you doing out here?”

Kelly shrugged, too busy chewing on his lip to answer.

Nick squinted out at the harbor, frowning. He couldn’t see anything that might be keeping Kelly’s attention. He took a step toward him, but something stopped him from moving closer. “You okay?”

“I was wrong,” Kelly said almost immediately, like he’d been waiting for a pin to pop a balloon. He gazed up at Nick, his eyes blue and full of sorrow in the morning light. “I can’t do this.”

The words hit Nick square in the chest, stealing his breath. He realized he was staring, meeting Kelly’s eyes as he tried to reconcile such a swift ending to something he’d thought would be . . . permanent. He took a careful step and sat in the nearest chair, nodding and clearing his throat to try to play off his natural reaction. “Okay,” he managed.

“I’m sorry,” Kelly whispered. He was watching Nick, turned toward him with that stupid blanket around his shoulders.

Nick couldn’t look at him, though, not until he was sure the devastation was off his face. He nodded again. “It’s okay, Kels. Nothing to apologize for. We knew it might not work, right?”

“I thought I could do it, I really did. But you said it was nothing more than sex.” Kelly paused, giving Nick a chance to speak or react. Nick couldn’t find his voice. Jesus, why did this hurt so fucking much? Kelly cleared his throat. “It’s already more than that, though.”

Nick glanced at him sharply, his heart skipping.

Kelly shrugged, giving him a weak smile. “We both know how fast I fall.”

“Kelly—”

“I think we’re better off if we just stop now,” Kelly said quickly. “The thought of this being something . . . frivolous? The thought of you going home and being with someone else? It kind of breaks my heart, bud.”

“Someone else,” Nick repeated, his voice hoarse.

“We both know how friends with benefits work, Irish, come on.”

Nick leaned forward and grabbed Kelly’s hand. He swallowed past the nerves and the fear and met Kelly’s changeable eyes with a deep breath. “Kels, I can’t think of a thing under the sun that makes me happier than you.”

Kelly blinked rapidly, his mouth parting in shock.

Nick held his hand tighter. “If it doesn’t feel right to you, you say the word and this’ll be it. But if you’ll give me a chance, just one chance, I swear to you I’ll make it worth it.”

“A chance at what?”

“To be yours.”

Kelly tried several times to speak. He licked dry lips and said, “Nick.”

“Do you trust me, Kels?”