Page 68 of I'll Carry You

She didn’t want to forgive him. Didn’t want to pretend it was okay for him to have done what he’d done to her.

But her hands slid from his wrists and found their way around the back of his neck, clasping on to him as the wind whipped around them, their bodies melding together until she felt like they were two warm souls who had found each other amidst the emptiness of the expanse. Both of them broken.

He didn’t want to reveal any depth, it seemed. His words said that he wanted her to believe he couldn’t be better. But she didn’t believe it. Couldn’t. Her back pressed to the tree trunk she’d been gripping as he pinned her there, his arms tight around her, one hand splayed on the small of her back, the other digging at the hair at the nape of her neck.

As Jason dragged his mouth away, he managed again, “I’m sorry.”

Her lips grazed his jaw. Her mother had once told her how forgiveness had a way of changing the life of the person on whom it was bestowed. And maybe she wasn’t street-smart or worldly like Jason, but she knew some things he didn’t. She’d known unconditional love. She’d received it from her parents and given it to Colby.

What little Kevin had told her and Jason had confirmed, neither of them had been that fortunate.

Holding on to her hurt wouldn’t help her. If Jason wasn’t planning on staying, she’d just be left with that anger, and she’d stew until it turned into bitter resentment.And she’d done that once before.

Setting her forehead against his cheek, she skimmed the back of his neck with her fingertips, her hands cold. “I’m still angry, Jason. But I forgive you. So if you need to go back to Chicago now and just forget us, I’m not saying it won’t hurt. But I’ll be okay.”

Jason’s jaw tensed, and he held her closer. With his closeness, she could feel the pounding of his pulse at his neck. Then he murmured, “I won’t be okay.”

His fingers wound their way around the hair at the nape of her neck, and he drew her head back to stare into her eyes. “Jen, I didn’t sleep with you under the pretense of things being a casual, one-night-only event. It might have started out that way, but I couldn’t stay away from you. Even when I really should have. What I’m trying to say is—”

She drew him down toward her, cutting off his words with a kiss.

He doesn’t plan on just walking away.

A strange sense of relief crested in her mind.

I couldn’t stay away from you.

The tenderness of her kiss dissolved quickly, their mouths meeting with strong, rushed passion.Their tongues collided as Jason hoisted her up, her legs wrapping around his waist.

He doesn’t want to leave.

And she didn’t want him to. Whatever they’d started by getting together the way they had, she didn’t want to stop. She wanted to feel his lips against hers, to hear his jokes and witty comebacks.

Text him all night.

She wanted to watch him make playdough with her son and feed him chocolate-covered strawberries and have him dip her for a kiss in front of a crowd.

And she wasn’t ready to let go of that yet.

He pinned her against the tree, the rough bark catching on her jacket, her jeans less flexible than she wanted. Keeping one hand on his neck, she slipped the other hand lower, popped off the button of his jeans, and tugged at his waistband. She slid her hand down and wrapped her fingers around his firm length.

God, she wanted him.

And not just because she knew how good it could be between them.

The aching emptiness resurrected with their fight last night nagged at her. But being with him made that pain dull.

Jason drew back, searching her gaze. “This is what you want? We should probably talk some more. We can go back to my cabin—”

“This is what I want.” She drew him back down again for another kiss. “Right here. Right now, Jason. I want you.”

He set her down, unbuttoned her jeans, then pushed them and her underwear from her hips. She pulled her shoes off, staying in her warm wool socks because it was cold, then stepped out of her pants. He unzipped his pants, freeing himself from the boxer briefs below them. Jen practically jumped back onto him and he lifted her, wrapping her legs around his waist. He grimaced and stopped, his forehead against hers as the tip of his shaft found her entrance. “Ugh, goddammit. I don’t have a condom here.” He drew back, his breath shallow.

He was tantalizingly close, and she ached for him. Catching her breath, she squeezed her eyes shut as he shifted her on his hips. Her legs tightened around him. “I’m on the pill,” she whispered against his cheek.

“Are you sure?” His heart pounded against her breasts, her nipples hard in her bra. She longed for his touch. Too many clothes, but then she had never had sex in the middle of the woods like this, especially not in the cold. She shivered, but she also didn’t care.

Being with him made her feel sexy. Unlike she’d ever felt before—but maybe it was the strength of his body and the hardness of his taut muscles. How wet he made her. But she also knew he’d been with other women recently. “Do you always use protection?”