Page 18 of Reckless Love
“I told her maybe we should rethink the pact,” I say, scratching the back of my neck.
“What pact?” Penn asks.
“The one we made in college where we agreed to only ever be friends.” I pause for a moment, knowing they’ll have something to say about that, and do they ever.
All at once.
What kind of shit is that?
Whose idea was that kind of pact anyway?
That was thirteen years ago!
You’ve seriously been upholding a pact you made way back then?
What did she say?
And then they all look at me like they’re waiting for ananswer. How am I supposed to know where to start after all that?
“She said the pact has never done us wrong and we’re not gonna start messing with it now.” My jaw clenches as I remember staring at her mouth after she said it, wondering if a kiss from me would change her mind.
“And you agreed with that?” Bowie says, shaking his head like I’m crazy.
The attention turns on him for a second because none of us have seen him this fired up about anything before, not even about a faulty ruling on a play.
“Yes, I agreed to that,” I finally say.
And I’m met with four sets of defiant eyeballs.
I pinch the bridge of my nose and take a deep breath.
“Look, I know I talk shit and I push and I’m nosy as all fuck with you guys.” I exhale loudly. “I stir it up and am always shoving everyone out of their comfort zones, but this is different.” When Weston starts to talk, I lift my hand and shake my head. “This is different. I can’t dwell on this about Elle. I’ve gotta let it go for my sanity and you have to let it go too. We are just friends, we will only ever be friends, and that’s the end of it.”
“But why?” Bowie growls.
I point at Weston. “When I pushed you to entertain the thoughts you were having about Sadie, I knew your friendship was new and you were both being so careful over Caleb. You wouldn’t do anything too risky to jeopardize that.” I point at Henley. “And pursuing the first woman I’d ever seen you light up over? It was a no-brainer…but the stakes were also not as high. You’d just met her.” My eyes drop down at the table before meeting Bowie’s eyes. “Elle is my person, my family…my everything. I can’t throw away thirteen years to scratch a what-if itch...”
And the way she’s treating me now…it hurts. Despite how right it felt to touch her, the way she immediately distanced herself is everything I feared most.
“You’re in love with her,” Bowie’s voice rasps, and it sounds like it’s hurting him to say it almost as much as it’s hurting me to hear it.
“Yes.”
The room is hushed as my answer takes flight and hits each of my friends in the gut. They stare back at me sorrowfully, and I swallow the lump that suddenly feels lodged in my throat.
“Hey, listen, I’ll be okay.” I reach out and pick up The Single Dad Playbook that we write in almost every meeting. “I’ve carried these feelings around for a long time. I’ll get through this. It’s just a little…snag.”
“What, the snag is you kissed and realized she feels the same way? How does that not change everything?” Henley asks.
I drop the notebook on the bench and lean back. “It changesnothing. She still doesn’t want me.”
“You need to read something in there,” Henley says, sliding the book closer to me. “I saw it earlier and I think it’s fitting.”
I sigh and open it, going to the last entry.
When I realized I’d missed out
on Caleb’s first couple of months,