Page 29 of A Crown of Fates
My heart thunders in my chest as I struggle to breathe. The likelihood that she’ll hate me for what I’ve done is high, and losing her will break me. I need her more than the air in my lungs, more than anything in this existence.
“Would you like the long story or the short?” I walk back to sit next to her again. I didn’t become king just by killing Airik. There were so many steps, so many things I could’ve done differently, that led me to this point. Though, now that I’m here,I can’t quite bring myself to regret a single one of them. Not when Estee sits in the chair near me, my starlight plucked right from the night sky.
She adjusts in her seat, and I almost let myself believe that she’s going to reach for me, but then she backs further away. “Tell me everything, and I swear, Theo, if you leave one part out and I find out later, I’ll ruin you myself.”
Despite her threat, I can’t help but steady in her presence—the light in her eyes, the fire, the strength—and the noose I’ve felt around my neck for so long loosens.
“When I was young,” I begin, my voice hoarse as I force the words to flow, “my pack was everything to me. They were my family, my world. We were small, close-knit, and lived far from this castle. We didn’t need the kingdom or the politics, just each other. Eventually, I became the alpha without even realizing it, and I didn’t think life could be any better.”
Her brows pinch together. “How can you call yourself an alpha when there are only four packs? I can sense the power within you, but that alone doesn’t make you a leader.” Her tone isn’t accusing, just curious.
“Just because there are only four recognized doesn’t mean they’re the only packs to exist,” I explain. “Most aren’t a threat, so it’s easier to ignore us than attempt to force us to live where we don’t want to. At least that was what I thought growing up.”
Even three years later, having to remember that horrendous night makes my chest burn and my jaw ache with tension. Still, I continue to force the words out, with my voice low and choked by the pain I’ve kept buried for so long.
“But one night, they came for us—hunters who knew exactly where to find my pack. They killed them all, Estee. Every last member, young and old. My friends, my mother, everyone except me. I didn’t understand why, and it took me a long time to learn the truth, and even after, it still doesn’t make any sense.”
Pity flashes in her eyes, but I can’t let her softness stop me. I have to push through. “My mother was the last to go, crawling to me from her home next to mine.”
As I continue to speak, I’m transported back to that night, reliving the nightmare I see every time I lie in bed.
“Son,” she croaks and somehow manages to smile. “It’s going to be okay.”
I run to her. There’s no one left to help, no bodies left to collect as the flames ravage the village. Kneeling, I press my hands over her stomach in hopes of stopping the bleeding.
“Don’t look for me,” Mother says, “I’m finally going to rest, and I want you to remember that you were meant for great things, my boy. Leave this place behind and start over. Find your peace.”
I shake my head frantically. “No. Not like this. How am I supposed to…”
“You just are.” She coughs and closes her eyes, leaning her cheek into my touch. “My time is done. I’ve taught you all I can, and I’m so proud of the man you’ve become. You’re going to be okay. There’s a reason you survived, and vengeance is…”
“Mom?” I grab her shoulders, shaking her more than I should, given her injuries, but I’m frantic, desperate. “Mother! Open your eyes. Please. Please, don’t leave me. Not like this.” The smell of burning flesh assaults me. “Please not like this.”
But she never wakes up, never tells me what vengeance is. Not in any version of the nightmare.
“Gods, Theo.” Tears fall freely down Estee’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. How long ago was this?”
I have to wipe at my own face and clear my throat before I can speak again. “Just over three years.”
“How did you end up here?” she asks. “Did you come seeking help from King Airik and he refused so you killed him?”
Gods, I wish it were that simple.
I shake my head. “I didn’t find myself within the walls of this castle until the month before I was crowned. For weeks after the deaths of my pack, I was broken. But more than that, I was furious. Furious with the monsters who came from and fled back into the darkness, with the gods for allowing this to happen, with myself for being too weak to end my own misery.”
She finally reaches for me, grabbing my hand and squeezing tightly. Though, I’m not sure if it’s to comfort me or encourage me to keep going. “What did you do after the attack?”
“I went searching for the people who invaded my home. I had nothing to go on, but I still had to try. I didn’t sleep for weeks, searching the woods around the pack for any sign of where they’d gone. Or come from. There was nothing. Nothing left of their presence, of my home, of the people I loved most in the world. After a while, I started to wonder if I’d imagined the whole thing. If I’d never had any of that joy to begin with.”
The sorrow in Estee’s eyes is mingled with something more. A burning resolve, like she wants to avenge every wrong done to me. Her wolf flashes in her gaze, fierce and untamed.
“And then someone found me,” I continue. “He said he’d heard what happened to me and wanted to help.” My body shudders with disgrace. “I didn’t even question him. I saw a lifeline to finding some sort of peace and latched on with everything I had left. He said he knew where I could find answers and I blindly believed him.”
“And did you? Find answers?” Her voice is breathless as if every word I speak could make all the difference in what she does next.
“I thought I did.” I pull away from her and walk away, because I don’t want to see the look in her eyes as I explain this next part.
I stop in front of the window. “I found the men this person told me were responsible. One by one, I went to them inthe night, just like they did to my pack, and took their lives, following the whispers of guidance, trusting them without a second thought. Nights bled together, connected only by the screams of the fallen, until weeks had passed like this.