Page 32 of A Crown of Fates
“Estee.” His voice is an agonizing plea, branding my heart. His eyes—those deep charcoal eyes that hold more emotion than I can begin to unravel—search mine, and I can see the regret, the pain, the longing in them.
“It’s going to be okay.” I don’t know how I know, but I do. There’s no other option. Not after everything we’ve been through in our pasts.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he says so quietly that I’m almost not sure if I’ve heard him correctly until he adds, “You shouldrun as far from me as possible. Whatever is happening here will only get worse. Orix told me to find you. He said he needs an heir from me.” Theo’s voice cracks as he pulls away from me again. “I don’t know what he meant or if he truly means to take a child from me that doesn’t even exist yet, but without knowing how to stop him, I can’t… I’m not strong enough to bear that kind of pain, Estee. And if something happened to you because of my choices, I’d never live with myself.”
“Whether I stay or go is my choice,” I tell him with a sharpness that I hope leaves no room for argument. “But if you need time to process whatever’s happened here today, then that’s different.”
As his darkening gaze meets mine again, it’s filled with agony and sorrow and fear. “I’m trying to be stronger for you, but what if I lost my mind the day my pack died? What if my spirit has been fractured and I’ll never know what’s reality and what’s an illusion? I want to fight for us, but ifhe’salways there, threatening to take it all away…” His head shakes. “I thought I could overcome this, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this.”
Nothing has ever made my heart shatter more than hearing the torment in his words. This is so much worse than I wanted to believe, but there has to be a solution. Orix can’t have that much control, even if he is a god.
“Maybe the healer Elyn can help you.” I can’t believe I’m saying this given how crazy she seems, but I don’t know what else to do. “She came to Polaris when my sister and I first returned. Her methods weren’t conventional by any means, but they were effective.”
“I’ll have Jerome call for her and see what she thinks,” he says, though his voice isn’t as hopeful as I’d like as he meets my stare again. “I know I said you should go, but Orix threatened to hurt you if I didn’t find a way to make you stay.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I promise. “Not only because there’s no way I’m willing to walk away from the bond I now feel just because some god thinks he can control you, but because we both deserve better than either one of us running from this.”
The state of Selaris also isn’t far from my mind, but I don’t mention the pack to Theo. That’s not something he needs to worry about right now. He can’t help them before he helps himself.
His forehead presses against mine. “Thank you. Those two words don’t seem like enough, but I meant what I said before. You are my starlight. Even now, when everything feels darker than it has since the night my family was killed. I might not have the drive to fight today, but I’m going to do my best to find my way.”
I place my hands over his chest, feeling the beat of his tattered heart beneath my palm. “We’re going to figure this out.”
He nods, but then steps back and the distance is like ice piercing my heart, made worse when he tells me, “I’m going to go. Not because I want to, but because I have to.” His eyes plead with me to understand his next words. “I need to know that I’m not going to hurt you, Estee. I need to be right in my head and that might take a few days. I have no right to ask this of you, but will you wait for me?”
The sorrow vibrating off him has the bond pulling, taut and trembling, like a thread that’s both binding and fragile. A powerful reminder of what could be, and for the first time since laying eyes on him, I think I finally understand just how much is at stake.
“Take whatever time you need,” I say earnestly. “I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
He bows his head, seeming to succumb under the burden of his misery. “Thank you.”
My wolf whimpers as I watch Theo turn toward the door, seeing himself out without another word. Before I do something like beg him to stay with me, I look out the window, focusing on the twin moons high in the sky. He needs me to be strong and that’s what I’m going to be. The hurt over finally admitting that he’s my mate, yet knowing there are uncontrollable obstacles in our way, is nothing compared to what he’s already been through.
A few more days of space might be exactly what we both need.
The rumble from my wolf tells me she doesn’t agree, and part of me doesn’t either, but we’re going to find out regardless.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ESTEE
Patience is overrated. I throw the covers off me as I get up to a new day that already doesn’t feel promising. I’m on day three since I last saw Theo and the only communication that I’ve had with him has been through Jerome. Something I’m trying to be understanding of since I know he’s only trying to protect me, but damn it, how long is this going to go on?
I’ve done my best to stay busy, ignoring the way our bond now thrums wildly in my chest, but even caring for the orphaned children, all of which are now living in the castle, has done little to distract me. Though, I can’t deny that having Neri finally agree to move in last night was a highlight I won’t soon forget. Especially when she squared off with me, threatening that if any of this turns out to be a trick of some sort, she’s not going down without a fight.
Just the fact that she’s been through so much at such a young age and hasn’t allowed life to break her makes me smile. Her feisty spirit is merely an added blessing that I’ve counted as I’ve gotten to know them all.
We’ve even begun looking for families for the kids, searching not only within Selaris but also the other kingdoms, wonderingif a new start might be better. Jerome has been a big part of that, helping me to figure out how these children slipped through the cracks.
Even though it doesn’t make anything right, apparently things in Selaris have been so bad that pack members were too afraid to stretch their resources, that by doing so, it would harm their own families. A fear that made it somehow okay to ignore pups living alone in an abandoned church.
After using the bathroom, I find a note on the floor near the door.
Princess Estee,
It might be time for you to go to King Theo. I don’t mean to overstep, but I hate to see either of you suffer. I’ll be busy with meetings this morning or I would have waited for you to wake.
I hope we can keep this between the two of us.