Page 117 of Modern Romance January 2025 5-8

“You don’t need to go that far,” said Auggie. “However, if dirt presents itself...”

“Mudslinging typically just gets everyone dirty,” Maude said.

“But it’s sometimes necessary,” Lynna said. “Because life is unpredictable that way.”

“Indeed.” She said goodbye to her friends, and then returned to staring out the window. She closed her eyes, imagining the press of his mouth against hers. Imagining the way that he had touched her just a couple of nights ago. How she had felt him moving inside of her.

How had they gone from that to this?

It was supposed to be a fantasy. She had accepted that it would be a temporary fantasy, but she really hadn’t had any clue that it would be... That it would be so temporary. They were supposed to have their two months to act as an engaged couple. They were supposed to...

There was no supposed to. She just had to get over it. That was life.

Her father had been a genetic material donor and nothing more. Her mother was dead. There was nobody left in the world that really loved her. She had her friends, and she was grateful for that, but there was no real... Family. And it wasn’t supposed to be that way, but it was. She had given her virginity to the first gorgeous man that she had found herself in proximity with who wanted her, and now he was injured. It wasn’t supposed to be that way. But it was.

She knew better than to be fanciful, she knew better than to be a whiny brat about it.

But it was going to start with him not being a whiny brat.

She closed her eyes and willed herself to move. She made some sandwiches and packed them away into a basket. She looked outside at the sun. It was a beautiful day. A beautiful day in England, for God’s sake.

They were going to take advantage of it. She was going to keep him from sinking into despair, partly because she needed to keep herself from doing it. She didn’t have the time to be self-pitying. So she wouldn’t allow him to be either.

She stamped up the stairs, and flung the door open to his room. He was sitting on the end of the bed, and the expression of desolation on his face caught hard in her throat.

“You aren’t doing this,” she said.

“Excuse me?”

“You aren’t sinking into the abyss, Matias. Not while I’m here.”

He had the audacity to lounge back on the bed, looking in her direction like he was a particularly uninterested cat. And she knew that he couldn’t see her, and yet, his dark gaze felt penetrating.

She was a bit annoyed for thinking the wordpenetrating.

She gritted her teeth. “Did you have commentary?” she asked.

“I have nothing to say. But I do not know what you think is happening here. Are you a schoolmarm? Do you seek to whip me in shape? Or perhaps you haven’t realized that it’s too late for that. I am beyond redemption.”

“Well, unhappily for you, I don’t believe in that. I don’t believe that people are garbage. I don’t believe that people are to be disposed of just because they have made some mistakes.”

“Mistakes. You say that as if I have gotten a poor grade on a math test, not said the very wrong thing that sent my sister to her grave.”

“You didn’t inject her with the drugs.”

His face turned sharply, as if she had slapped him.

“I’m sorry, but it’s true. You’re taking away her agency in all of this. Yes, your father was horrible, and he clearly made her feel bad about herself, but he obviously manipulated you too. He is still doing it. You’re doing it back, but so is he. You’re engaged in this ridiculous, unwinnable game with a man who just sounds... Frankly awful. Even now, he’s exploiting his daughter’s death to hurt you. To hurt your perception in the public eye, I don’t even think it’s about your feelings. He probably isn’t even aware that you have them. He probably doesn’t consider feelings at all. That is a horrible thing. An utterly horrifying proposition.”

The growing realization inside of her felt so big that she couldn’t stop. She was trying to read his face to see if this surprised him as much as it did her. She was... Undone.

“So what if you let him win. What if you let him have this. Because what is there to say? Do you continue to rake over the ground of your sister’s death so that the public can be satisfied that what happened was just a horrible mistake. Anybody reading the article is going to understand that. Is going to understand that she was a woman who was troubled because of... Because of her upbringing. But if she was troubled because of her upbringing then so were you.”

“No,” he said. “That isn’t true. I... I should’ve been stronger.”

“Why? Why should you have been stronger, Matias? It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Because I was stronger. Inherently.”