Page 98 of Modern Romance January 2025 5-8

She nodded. “I understand that. I mean... I remember feeling trapped. Trapped in a small town. Trapped in my life. I didn’t think it would ever change. I didn’t think I would ever go anywhere.”

“And what changed?”

“My mother died.” Unexpectedly her eyes filled with tears. It had been so long. It didn’t usually hit her like that. And yet, it was always so complicated. So many layers. Her own trauma, her own pain. Her own sadness. Her own gratitude. She was swamped by all of it then.

“Did your mother not want you to travel?”

“Someone had to take care of her. She was terminally ill for most of my childhood. And... We had to make it seem like we had it all together, otherwise Child Services would’ve gotten involved, and I didn’t want that. But you know, she was a single mother. A little bit older. I had to make sure that she was able to get to her fusion appointments, and she took her medication. I had to help her manage the symptoms of both her illness and her treatment.”

“How did you go to school?”

“I finished at home. I... I didn’t mind it. I didn’t. She was my mother, I loved her very much. There was a time where I couldn’t see past it either. And the truth is, when you start to wish away the burden that comes with care like that, you realize that you’re wishing the person away too. And that is a horrible feeling. One that I... I never really wanted to contemplate.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” he said.

And she thought maybe he even meant it. She had told him already that her mother had died, but not about this.

“I learned to be organized, meticulous. I learned to look like I had everything together even if I didn’t. I learned to smile. It actually set me up for my job. Better than school ever did. And when she died I had a bit of money, and I used it. I sold the house, all the things. There was some insurance, and I went to school, met my work wives, and we decided that an adventure in London would be the way to go. Connect us with the world a bit more.”

“Work wives?”

“That is what I call them. Irinka, Maude and Lynna. They really are about the only family I have.”

She knew that it was a performance, she wasn’t foolish. She knew that this was the kind of thing that he did every day of the week, and even though there was some more heft to this performance than usual, it was just a regular Saturday night for him. For her it was something singular. She understood why they did it, in that moment. All these women that had fallen to his charms, she understood it. Because this was intoxicating. He knew exactly how to make you feel like you were the center of attention. Like there was no one else in the world and never had been. She felt beautiful, in a way that she never had. And perhaps, most outrageously, most unfairly, she felt like she was the center of everything.

This beautiful man looked at her as if he had nothing else to look at.

She hadn’t even realized that she craved this until this moment. Until she felt the intense magnetic pull of his gaze.

What would it be like to surrender and have one beautiful night with him?

“You really shouldn’t look at me that way,” he said.

“Like what?” She felt breathless. She knew that she was tempting something by asking him that question. She knew it.

“Like you’re considering violating the terms of the agreement.”

“Neither of us have signed anything yet.”

“That is true. There is still time to revise.”

He was a shameless flirt. It was confusing, though, because she had seen just a little bit of the real him. Because she had seen beneath the façade. So why bother now? Was it simply because he didn’t know another way to be? Or maybe... Well, he was a man. She supposed it was possible that his sex drive was simply that healthy. Yes. That was definitely possible.

“I don’t know about that,” she said.

Irinka had warned her. About how people would see her. About what clients would think. And she understood something brilliantly true in that moment. It didn’t matter whether she slept with him or not. People would think that she had.

And so, was it so outrageous to consider the possibility of getting something out of that?

She was a virgin. Not because of any strict morality on her part. Not because she was waiting for somebody. Because she had never been swept off her feet. Because nobody had ever inspired her to do something, to want something, other than what she had.

The idea of a lover felt like an interruption. But Matias Balcazar had crashed into her life like a freight train. They were trapped together. And if they were going to be the toast of the town, the delights of London, New York and every other city, why shouldn’t she know what it was to have his hands on her body, his mouth on her neck? She had seen him kiss other women, touch other women.

She had also seen the way that he looked at those women. He thought she was beautiful.

But if he just feels the same about you as he does everyone else, is it really special?

You don’t need it to be special.