Page 59 of Fractured Mind
I paddown the stairs as I go in search of Nana. I find her wiping down the piano. “What are you doing?”
Her smile lights up her whole face. “I’m making sure it’s clean in case you wish to play again.”
“Is that so?” I reply with a raised brow. “It seems like you’re hinting that you want me to play again.”
“Only if you want to,” she mutters, acting coy.
The thought of playing again sends excitement shooting through my veins. “Sure, I will.”
Her chin lifts in victory, the hand holding the cloth falling to her side. “You used to play the piano with your mother.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, shocked.
“You played together, so I have that beautiful song by Sam Smith called ‘Stay with Me’ open for you. Perhaps you and your mom could play it together when she returns.”
“That seems like another hint.” The thought of Mom and me playing together makes me smile.
Nana’s lips curve into a smirk, and she steps to the side, giving me space to sit down at the piano. Even if I didn’t enjoy it, I would have played for Nana to see her smile.
Knowing I have to confront Mom soon makes my breathing shallow. She’ll be back any day now. I figure learning a song we could play together will be a pleasant surprise for her. I look at the sheet music and begin.
Later that day, when I’m back in my bedroom, Nana walks in through the open door. “I just spoke to your mother. She’ll be here tomorrow.”
My stomach drops. Guilt weighs on me because I haven’t been keeping in contact with her. “How’s she doing?”
“Very well. It’s the longest she’s stayed sober. She mentioned she has support when she gets out, and she’s looking forward to seeing you.”
I’m happy for her, but the uncertainty of what will happen when she gets here has me in a tailspin. I glance at the floor in thought and then raise my eyes to Nana’s. “I’m nervous about what she has to say. I love my life here, and I’m worried she’ll want me to move back and help her recover.”
Both choices have me drowning in fear. I’m likely to either lose my mom again or lose everyone from my life who I’ve gotten back. I’ve never been happier than I am now, but I also feel a strong urge to help Mom remain sober.
Nana’s brow creases, and she rubs soothing strokes up and down my back. “Breathe, Mia, just breathe.”
I can’t. My heart is racing and I’m sweating.
“I’m here for you, no matter what your decision is. Now take deep breaths for me.”
Knowing that she supports me helps my breathing return to normal, but there’s still a ball of unease in the center of my gut. I don’t recall Mom ever being sober, so I’m not sure how to dealwith this new side of her. It will be like meeting her for the first time.
I’m lyingwith my head resting on Ashton’s chest, and it lowers from his deep exhale.
“What’s going on in that mind of yours? You’ve been distant today.”
Where do I start? It’s on an endless loop of questions and what-ifs. “Mom’s coming home tomorrow.”
His hold on me tightens. There’s silence until he whispers, “Stay with me... Don’t leave.”
The sadness in his eyes cripples me. I want to stay with him, but I know my decision might change once I see my mom. “I don’t want to leave.”
“I can’t lose you again.”
Every. Word. Crushes. Me. It pains me to even think that’s a possibility. I try to hide my worry by controlling my expression. I sit up. “I want to stay. I love my life here with you and everyone else... even if you guys are probably leaving after school has finished.” It doesn’t sound like they’ve chosen a university yet.
His eyes grow wide. “What are you talking about?”
My eyes dart away, but he cups my jaw, demanding I look at him.
“I’m not going anywhere without you.”