Page 62 of Fractured Mind
I try to calm myself down, but it doesn’t work, so I stand. “I’ve got homework.” I rush to my room, and three-quarters of the way up the stairs, a gut-wrenching sob slices through the air,cutting my heart with each painful sound. Before rehab, I would have comforted her, but I can’t, not now, not today.
Hours later there’s a knock on my bedroom door. “Come in,” I say, knowing who it will be.
Nana studies my face and walks toward me.
“Is Mom, okay? I heard her crying.” And even though she needed to hear what I had to say, it still made me feel like crap.
Nana flinches and grants me a sad smile. “She’s worried she won’t be able to fix the damage in your relationship.”
“She just got here.” There’s a pinch of anger, but I’ve calmed down compared to before. “She wants everything to be okay. One ‘sorry’ doesn’t fix everything.”
“I understand. You and your mother have a lot to work on, but don’t stay in your room because she’s here.”
“I’ll be down later,” I reply to Nana, though the words taste like poison.
As the afternoon progresses, all I want is to be in Ashton’s arms, but it’s not the right time, so I send him a message.
Hey, I need some more time to talk to Mom, so I’ll see you tomorrow at school x
I leave my phone and make my way downstairs. As I walk through the living room to the kitchen, Nana and Mom stop talking. When I grab a bottle of water out of the fridge and walk back through, Mom asks, “Can we please talk?”
My body tingles, but her eyes are pleading, so I take a seat, curious about what she wants to share now.
“I know one ‘sorry’ won’t fix everything, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to prove that I’ve changed. No more alcohol. No more leaving, and no more empty promises.”
“Where will you be living?” I ask while my eyes flick to Nana.
Mom’s brows pull in, her forehead crinkling. “I’ll be going back home. Why?”
I had a hunch she would, but when I hear it, I suck in a sharp breath. The tug of war inside me snaps. I know I can’t go back with her, no matter what she says. My voice is firm and urgent. “I’m staying here.”
Mom’s body jerks back like I tasered her with my words. “Don’t you want to go back home?”
There’s hope in her voice, but I set her straight. “Sorry, I don’t. This is more like home than that place ever was.”
“It wasourhome,” she says. “I’ve organized all my support there. I thought it would be a fresh beginning for us.”
“A new start for you, not me. We could have stayed put. Why couldn’t we have stayed here after my accident? Why wasn’t I enough for you to stop drinking?” The pain in my voice seeps through every word.
Nana and Mom gasp loudly. Mom’s hand goes to her mouth as her eyes glaze over. “You were always enough...” she whispers. “I was too consumed with pain. I couldn’t look after myself, let alone look after you. As the years went on, I knew I was doing the wrong thing, but I had an addiction. Sometimes I wanted to stop, but the withdrawals were too much. I was in a dark place and couldn’t get out of it.”
While I empathize with her, I’m an adult now, and it’s time I put my own needs and wants first. “You want us to work on our relationship? Don’t go back. Stay here. You have me, Nana, and Jade. It’s your life, your choice, but the same applies to me, and I’m staying.”
“You’re welcome to stay here, you know that,” Nana tells Mom.
Mom looks torn. I eye her warily as she moves closer. She envelops me and draws me close as she lets out an audible gush of air. The tension in my body lifts, and I move my arms to holdher too. Her head is on my shoulder, and she turns her mouth toward my ear. “I choose you,” she says softly. “I’ll stay here with you.”
The tears cascade down my face. After a long wait, she finally said it.
She inches back, smiling at me with tears in her eyes. “I’ll make all the changes to stay here.”
Stiffly, I nod, choked with emotion as relief and happiness flood me.She finally chooses me.I never thought this day would come.
I hearthe deep roar of an exhaust, and I know it’s Ashton’s car. I curse under my breath. Time has gone by fast while Mom, Nana, and I have been talking. Knowing I haven’t checked my phone yet, I walk to the entrance to greet him.
I open the door fully, allowing him to enter. His hair is a tousled mess, like he’s run his hands through it a hundred times. He’s gazing down at me with haunted eyes.
“I haven’t looked at my phone. I’m sorry!” I hate seeing him like this.