Page 10 of Marrying the Guide
Really? “Maybe I’m not expressing myself well. English isn’t my first language.”
“Okay. So you aren’t turning me down?”
“No, I’m trying to find the words to ask…” I sighed. “I don’t understand, is all. I’m a hot mess, as evidenced by my mishaps on the two trips with you, and I’m still hurting and trying to get over what my ex did. Why, for the love of god, would you want to go out with me?”
Howell’s eyes grew soft. “I hate that you see yourself that way. You’re not a hot mess. You’re smart and funny and not afraid to try new things. That takes courage, especially in another country, talking to people in another language. I admire that.”
“Oh.”
Jesus Christ, if I said “oh” one more time, I’d slap myself.
“Thank you. I don’t see myself like that at all.”
“I know, but I do. So why don’t you let me be the judge of who I’m interested in and why?”
He had a point. “Yes, sorry. I need to work on my self-confidence, I guess.”
“After what you told me, I understand where it’s coming from, but don’t put yourself down. But the ball’s in your court, Onno. I know you’re still hurting and getting over your ex, somaybe you’re not ready. That’s fine. But if you are, well, I guess I wanted you to know I’m interested. Anyway, put the camera a little closer to your feet so I can have a better look. Maybe I can recommend some treatments that could help them heal faster.”
4
HOWELL
He said yes! A few hours after our call, he’d texted me he was in for a date.
Asking Onno out had been unexpectedly hard and incredibly easy at the same time. It was scary to put myself out there and face the fear of rejection. I had given myself a stern talking-to before making that call to Onno.
But once I’d had him on the phone, we’d chatted naturally, even with his one-syllabic answers. He was cute and sweet and kind, and I loved his dry sense of humor. I wanted to hug him, assure him everything would be okay, and roll him in bubble wrap to keep him safe, but that wasn’t a topic for a first conversation.
Asking him out had been the first step. Now, I needed to make sure we had a date to remember. How long had it been since I’d had an official date? Jeez, it must’ve been before I’d gotten married, so at least fifteen years. After my divorce, I hadn’t planned on staying single, but I’d needed time to process and move on—code for nursing my wounded heart and probably also a little of my pride. Being dumped is hard on the ego, even if I could see all the reasons in hindsight.
But after that, I’d been open to dating again. Except I hadn’t met anyone I liked enough to ask out on a date. Hookups, sure, but not the official going-out-for-dinner-and-maybe-kiss-afterward thing. Until Onno, which was surprising since he was a guy. Back in college, a drunken bet with my gay roommate had led to us making out. I’d liked it enough to try it with two other guys, and it had been hot.
But since then, I hadn’t met a guy who’d made me want a repeat, so I thought those had been, for lack of better words, youthful experiments. And then I’d met Lori-Ann, and that had decided it. Straight it was.
Until now. And I was so out of practice, it wasn’t even funny. What could we do together that would be fun? Dinner? A movie? All that seemed so cliché. I wanted something special, something that suited Onno. I could think of only one guy to ask.
“Howie,” my former roommate—yes, that one—said cheerfully as he picked up. “How’s life?”
“Bubbles, I need your help.”
I could practically see him sit up straight. “You do? What strange calamity has befallen you that the most competent man on the planet needs my help?”
“I’m going on a date.”
He clapped his hands. “Oh, excellent.”
“With a guy.”
Long silence. “I’ll be goddamned. I just lost a five-year bet with Justin.”
“Why on earth would you make a bet with your husband about me?”
“He said you’d do at least one date or hookup with a guy before finding someone new. I assured him you’d only been bicurious in college and were now firmly established in your straightness as a fierce ally, but he told me I was wrong.”
I winced. “Sorry? Seems your husband was right.”
“And you couldn’t have discovered that earlier, like, before I met Justin, so we could’ve at least had one passionate night together? We never went all the way back in college.”