Page 37 of Strip Search
Please don’t cry. Don’t let the tears fall yet.I plead with myself.
His face falls, and his mouth sets in a grim line as he nods once. “Okay. I can respect that.” Slowly, he slips out from under me and stands. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
I don’t watch him dress.
I don’t look up and watch him walk out the door.
The minute I hear my front door close and the lock slip into place, the first wave of tears fall. I drain the tub only to turn the water back on, as hot as I can stand it and let it fill again. While sobs rack my body, I second guess everything.
I stayed in this job for far longer than I ever planned, because of Cole. His security firm was only supposed to be a temporary stop. A source of income and hopefully some experience so that I could eventually land a job with the government. I wanted to work on a team like Dallas, the big time. Not some private sector.
But I stayed.
For two of the four years I spent working for him, I longed for him to see me like he saw other women. For him to want me, and tonight, he did.
Regardless of how Cole may have tried to downplay what happened, or how vulgar his words made it seem. It felt different. I didn’t feel like I was being fucked or used. I felt wanted. Cherished.Loved.
Still, knowing that he pushed me away and found comfort in the arms of someone else months ago, guts me. And I can’t help but wonder I wonder if all of this makes me the naïve girl that I always thought Cole perceived me as.
Was I really naïve enough to believe that I could give Cole what he wants? If he didn’t think I was enough the night we kissed, what changed? Who’s to say he won’t grow bored with me and go running back to Jade? Can I give him what he had with Jade...with the others I’ve heard about over the years? No matter how hard he tried to hide it – I know about all the times he shared women with Smitty. Hell, they even shared Zoey for a while. I may not know the extent of it all but I know enough to wonder if he asked, could I share myself with someone else, for our mutual pleasure? Is it something Coleneedsor was it all just for fun?
More and more questions swirl through my mind as years of self-doubt creep in and control me.
Chapter Fifteen
Cole
Ihad already sentmessages to everyone letting them know the office would be closed for the next two days. After everything, I thought we all earned the break. Before I left Molly’s, I’d planned to spend those two days nestled beside her, inside of her.
Instead, I’ve spent them here, at the office. I can’t stand to go home. Tried that. Laying in my bed only reminds me of her and the night she fell asleep in my arms. For three damn nights, I’ve slept on a cot in my office. Wishing I was anywhere but here.
During the day, I’ve buried myself in the client work that fell behind while we worked on this case.
I’ve tried to check in on Molly too.
She responded to my first message, letting me know that she got the memo to take two days off, but nothing since. The delivery receipt tells me that she’s seen my messages even though she’s choosing to ignore them.