Page 57 of Crimson Kingdom
“Need I remind you, Lemmikki, that when I did propose, your first inclination was to say no?” he asked sharply. “That you had to be forced into considering it at all.”
I made another sound of disbelief in the back of my throat. “Need I remind you what that proposal sounded like? ‘I own you, and even though I don’t want you, I don’t want anyone else to have you either, so I suppose I’ll make the sacrifice of marrying you for my people.’”
A muscle ticked in his jaw.
“Thatdoessound familiar.” His sarcasm belied the agreeable words. “Not unlike when you burst into my rooms in the middle of the night in a fit of jealousy, then spent the entire council room meeting the next day clinging to Korhonan like I was the villain in a children’s tale come to steal you away in the night.”
My lips parted in outrage, and I leaned forward in my chair. “What was I supposed to do when Theo was professing his love for me and offering an alliance Ineededwhile you were apparently sitting on your arse in Bear convincing yourself I didn’t know my own mind.”
“Youdidn’tknow your own mind!” Evander was close to yelling now, a rarity for him. “You were a prisoner for months. You went through hell, and you went from being surrounded by your family,” he gestured around, “to only me. Of course, you thought--”
His words cut off, and he looked away, gritting his teeth.
“I thought what?” I prodded, waving my hand for him to continue. “Go ahead, please, and tell me all of my feelings and how very unreasonable they all were.”
“I don’t know what you thought,” he said in a tight voice. “But I know that it would have been a mistake for you to stay, so if you’re expecting me to apologize for that, you’re going to be waiting a long time.”
“Don’t kid yourself, Evander.” I glared at him. “I would never expect you to apologize for anything because then you might have to pull your head out of your arsehole and admit you were wrong about it to begin with.”
We stared at each other for a long moment, our ragged breaths the only sound in the otherwise silent room.
“Was that what you needed to know, then, so you could finally make your decision after a week of stringing us both along?” Bitterness coated his tone. “I’m surprised it took you so long, when you’re so very honest with yourself and the people around you.”
The hypocrisy of that coming from him was almost laughable, if I hadn’t been so outraged. I stood up to retreat to my bedroom before I could accidentally take out my booby dagger and stab him in his far-too-handsomeaalioface.
“I had already made my decision when you came in.” My tone was, at least, marginally more calm than I felt. “I just wanted to know where we stood. And now I do.”
Without so much as a backward glance, I walked into my bedroom and shut the door.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-ONE
It was a long, sleepless night, wherein I obsessed over every word of my and Evander’s conversation the night before.
It had left me with more questions than answers.
Did he miss me after I left? If so, was it just not enough to actually do anything about it? While I was grieving and falling apart over here, was he filling his bed with a series of Fionas?
Pressing a pillow against my face, I tried hard to drown that image out.
He had feelings for me. That much was clear. Stars knew I had feelings for him.
Strong ones.
Impossible-to-ignore ones.
But I didn’t want to be all in if he still refused to be. Which put me in, as Davin would say, rather a pickle.
He had given me more than I expected him to last night, though, when I put it all together. It was something. It just...wasn’t enough.
With a sigh, I finally wrenched myself out of bed to get dressed. My barely healed wound pulsated with the movement, but it was minor compared to the feelings churning deeper inside.
Taisiya brought breakfast to my rooms and helped me dress in a light-green gown the exact shade of my eyes. She topped it off with a silver woven tiara, inlaid with pale jade stones.
It shouldn’t have surprised me that the woman always saw far more than she let on, given what her job had been in Socair. I appreciated, nonetheless, the way she seemed to understand how important today was.
And how badly I needed an extra layer of armor for what I was about to do.
Avani met me in the hallway to walk me downstairs. She didn’t say anything, didn’t ask what decision I had made, just linked her arm through mine in a show of support.