Page 77 of Crimson Kingdom

When we got up to head to yet another exciting court dinner, my mother embraced Evander, giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek.

It was clear by his stance he was still somewhat uncomfortable with the affection my family doled out in overwhelming amounts, but then, it wasn’t like he would have to deal with it very often in Socair.

Especially if I was here.

And he didn’t have to deal with it from Da’, since he declined to say more than a cursorysee you at dinnerto either of us.

I sighed, ignoring the sinking feeling in my chest.

Somehow, the several days until my wedding felt both too short and much too far away.

CHAPTERFORTY

The next couple of days were even busier. Or perhaps, I was just endeavoring to stay occupied.

Somewhere between avoiding any more talk of our wedding night with Evander, avoiding my father, and avoiding the memorial that was hanging over all of us like a black cloud, I managed to be constantly on the move.

Which is likely the only reason Evander and I managed to maintain whatever tenuous balance we had struck. When we weren’t planning the wedding, we were greeting the guests who arrived, not to mention whatever business Evander continued to take care of via messenger birds and the time I was trying to spend with my family.

Of course, that was more difficult now that Avani had once again retreated to her rooms.

I went there this morning, as I had the past two mornings. And just like then, she told me she wasn’t up for leaving. Guilt crashed over me in waves.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly, settling on the edge of her bed.

“For what?”

“For having my wedding so close to…” I trailed off.

She sat up to grab my hand. “Row, no. The thing is, this memorial...it will be hard, but it’s not like a day goes by that I don’t think about him. I want what’s best for you, and for Lochlann.”

Sincerity shone from her hollow, red-rimmed eyes. She meant it. She would always do what was best for our people.

Even if it destroyed her.

“I want what’s best for Lochlann, too,” I told her. “I just hate this for you.”

“I appreciate that,” she said. “But honestly, please don’t think that I blame you for doing this.”

A bitter sound escaped me. “No, only Da’ does that.”

She sighed. “You should talk to him.”

“He should talk to me,” I shot back.

Avani shook her head. “Rowan, you’re going to be leaving soon, and you’re going to regret it if you don’t sort this out. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for me. I can’t have you two at odds for Mac’s memorial.”

Remorse flooded my veins. “All right, big sister. For you.”

As I walked to my parents’ study, I finally admitted to myself why I had been avoiding this conversation. It wasn’t only stubbornness, though Da’ had most certainly started whatever silent argument we were in.

It was that I couldn’t handle hearing him put his disappointment in me into words when it already emanated from his every pore.

The door to his and Mamá’s private study was ajar, so I rapped my knuckles against the wooden frame before pushing it the rest of the way open. Da’ was sitting at his desk, staring intently at what I assumed was paperwork.

“Ach, ye want to speak with me now, mo nighean?” he said, barely glancing up.

Sighing, I closed the door behind me and took several steps closer.