Page 83 of Crimson Kingdom

I didn’t break his gaze as I made my way onto the bed.

And he didn’t move. Didn’t speak. Didn’t stop me or pull me closer. It was like he knew this… This stillness was what I needed.

My body seemed to move of its own accord, one leg sliding over him until I was straddling his hips. He was barely breathing now, which made two of us.

I realized this was why I had come. To feel closer to him. To feel his warmth and know that he was alive and real and, in whatever complicated, frustrating way,mine.

I reached up to run my hands through his hair, letting the silky strands ripple through my fingers. He gave a sharp intake of breath, his eyes intently fixed on mine, but he remained perilously still, as if he was afraid of breaking whatever spell had come over us.

With a featherlight touch, I trailed my fingers down his perfect face along the light stubble along his jaw. I traced his brow, his nose, the outline of his lips, from the dip in his top lip to the slightly fuller bottom one.

Then finally, slowly, I leaned toward him.

I hesitated, hovering with my mouth just outside of his, our breaths mingling in the space between. This moment was a precipice, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to hurl myself over the edge.

“Lemmikki.” He whispered it like a question.

A plea.

Andthat word. That word would be my undoing.

So, so slowly, I eased forward, my lips brushing against his with all the pressure of a butterfly’s wings. I kissed first his top lip, then his bottom one, before finally pressing my mouth all the way against his.

Every connection I had ever tried to deny between us flared to life in this interminable moment, in this endless space where only he and I existed. My mouth opened to his as I slid my tongue between his lips, tasting him.

He let out a soft groan. His hands came to rest gently at my waist, igniting me at each point of contact, but they didn’t roam from there. While I explored his mouth with mine, my fingers took their time outlining each ridged muscle of his shoulders, his chest, his abdomen.

I felt everything in that moment.

And it was too much.

Maybe Avani was right. Maybe I had been terrified. Maybe when it came to Evander, I always would be.

I backed away, resting my forehead against his. Before I could stop them, before I could even think to move, two tears spilled down my cheeks.

“Lemmikki.” He said the word again, but this time it was filled with concern.

His thumbs came up to gently brush the tears away, and he pressed his lips against my forehead.

“What is it?”

“Nothing.” I shook my head. “Everything.”

I moved to slide off of his lap, to retreat from the situation I had flung myself thoughtlessly into, but his iron grip came around me.

I didn’t want to cave more than I already had, wasn’t sure I could bear a single moment further of this horrendously vulnerable feeling, but the rare sincerity shining from his gaze stole all of my resolve.

“You said no.” The words flew from my lips, unbidden.

“What?” His brow furrowed.

“I asked if you were planning on proposing when you left.” My voice was a quiet rasp. “And you saidno.”

Evander squeezed his eyes shut in what might have been remorse, and I went on.

“I keep trying to get past it,” I said truthfully. “But what does that mean, exactly? That you’re here out of convenience? Luck? Did you come out of spite and then stay because I agreed to marry you?”

Opening his eyes, he reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, trailing his thumb along the side of my face before he spoke.