Page 42 of Adam & Eve

I concentrated only on him. I got on my back and spread my legs exposing my slick center

to him. He stood, looked as if he wanted to touch, even extended his hands to do so, but stopped

himself. Pulled away after glancing behind me at the bodyguard that stood at the back of the stage.

He frowned, but that didn’t stop him from raining down five and ten-dollar bills that he had folded

in his hands onto me.

When the song ended— way too soon in my opinion— everybody applauded, and I wanted

to dance again. I felt electric. Every part of me pulsed. I was addicted. I walked off stage like I had

been instructed to do by Heather. I left the money behind like she told me. Someone would collect

it for me. I looked back before exiting the stage and couldn’t believe all that money was mine to

keep.

Later that night, when I counted all the bills. I couldn’t believe I’d made twelve-hundred

dollars after dancing less than fifteen minutes. It would last me the rest of the semester, until my

loan money came again. I was tempted to go back the next weekend, but after that night, I no

longer danced for money. Profiting from it had made me feel dirty, made it feel elicit. I never

returned to that club.

I researched, found parties with people who had fetishes. Through that I learned I was an

exhibitionist. Exhibitionist disorder was a mental health disorder shared by those who liked to

expose themselves for sexual gratification. I embraced the idea. Why lie to myself? I’d

masturbated and came like I never had before that first night I danced.

I delved right in with both feet. Party after party, I danced. It helped with making me love

my body again. It also chased away demons of the past.

“Are you okay in there?” Adam called from behind the bathroom door.

I ignored him and cut off the water that had turned cold. I was shivering and hadn’t even

noticed because I was so caught up in my thoughts and memories.

I answered after he knocked a third time. “Yeah, be out in a minute.”

I pushed the thoughts of dancing and him knowing about it to the back of my mind. In the long

run, it didn’t matter. I grabbed a towel to dry myself then slipped on my shirt and underwear before

looking at myself in the mirror for the first time. I looked different than I had yesterday, more relaxed.

How could that be? My eyes didn’t reveal the answers. I didn’t dwell on the thought long. I had

bigger fish to fry.