Page 87 of Lightning Angel
He nodded. “My dad believes we’ll reunite with my mom and my sister one day soon.”
“One daysoon?” Alexa tilted her head. “I can see you’re desperate for them, but I have no intention of letting you go so early.”
All the traces of pain faded from his eyes. He grinned. “Is that a promise?”
“We’ll see.” Her teasing smile faltered as a question sprang to her mind. “Can I ask, what makes you wannanotbelieve in God?”
Tristan’s frown returned. He clenched his jaw. “He did my mother no good.”
“What do you mean?”
“After I was cursed, my mom desperately sought help to free me. She even tried tracking down witches, but before she could, when she was at the hospital for the checkups, an older woman approached her and said, ‘Jesus is the path you’re looking for, walk in Him.’Since then, she’d been invested in reading the Bible and praying for hours. Dad was soon drawn to her faith and they both were baptized. He used to say that it brought them hope about my situation. But what good did it bring them? My mom died a few months later, tragically by my own hands—”
“Tristan—”
“And I’m still the same! There’s no hope for me. As long as I’m alive, I’m likethis.I can tell that Dad has lost his faith in this oh-so-promising God after Mom’s death, a God who failed to keep her safe, a God who wasunfaithful to her, who served Him faithfully. I have nothing to do with Him, Alexa, just like He has nothing to do with me. The only reason Dad still bears the title of a Christian is Mom. After her death, he discovered her journal where she left a note for him and me. She said that she was compelled by the Holy Spirit to write it, telling us to never lose faith in God or question Him if anything bad were to occur in our family.Trist will be saved, the Lord has promised, and no matter how long it will take, I want us to wait for His perfect timing.Those were her words. An empty promise from a God who failed her.
“That’s why.” Tristan paused to breathe, and dropped his voice. “That’s why I don’t believe in Him. I hope my honesty didn’t offend you.”
Alexa frowned sadly and touched a hand to his face. He froze but composed himself and leaned into her touch, closing his eyes. “No, I understand,” she whispered. “I very much feel the same about Him.”
Tristan opened his eyes, baffled by her response. “But I thought you were a church girl.”
She shook her head with a sad smile. “My dad met Jesus in his brokenness after my parents’ divorce. He was a complete new man since, and it drew Cassie and me to the faith. I… I haveseenGod doing something in my family, Tristan, even though He didn’t listen to my pleas to bring our mom back. That’s why I can never deny His existence, no matter what I feel about Him now or in the future.
“We were a happy little family, thriving without our mother, until Dad tested positive for cancer. I had great faith that God would heal him, so I prayed like neverbefore. I’ve heard the testimonies of God healing cancer and I believed a littletoomuch, but… He didn’t listen. My dad was in pain for months until the day he was taken from us, and God did nothing. He. Did.Nothing.I realized He didn’t care for us anymore, I mean, hasn’t He got a million otherperfectChristians around the world to care for rather than someone as filthy as us? He showed partiality; why couldn’twehave a good life with our parents like other kids get to? So I stopped bothering Him.”
Alexa wiped away her furious tears rather aggressively. She hadn’t realized how much affected she was by God’s silence until then, as she had never spoken aloud her feelings before. Though she and Cassie shared the same view, they had never bothered to talk about it. Why talk when there was no point? They had simply chosen to keep attending the church and pretend their faith was as good as ever.
“Attending church every Sunday is a charade,” she continued, as Tristan cradled her face in his hands and stroked her cheekbones back and forth with his thumbs. “If we let it slip, if anyone gets wind of our shattered faith, we’d likely be lectured. I hate lecturing, especially about faith. Keeping up the charade is good for Cass and me, plus it gives me a stage to sing every week—so you can’t let anyone know this. I trust you, Tristan.”
Alexa finished with an expectant look in her wide, imploring eyes.
“I will treasure your trust at all costs,” he promised. “Thank you for sharing this with me. We have a lot more in common than I thought we did.”
That brought back Alexa’s smile. She sniffed and gotrid of the unshed tears from her eyes. “Can we change the subject? It’s ironic that I started it; I was merely curious.”
His eyes gentled. “You wanted to know me more, and I’m not hiding anything from you.” He dropped his hands from her face and stepped back. “Now, how about we complete the tour of my art?”
Alexa wanted nothing more than finding herself back in his arms again, his hands cradling her face, his fingers caressing her skin, and his loving gaze fixated on her. She almost felt turned inside out, floating, and all sorts of lovely feelings she had read in books when a boy held a girl. It felt heavenly, yet being with him felt as natural as breathing.
“Angel?”
Alexa’s heart jolted and her attention snapped to his concerned face. Oh, if they went on like this, she’d soon find herself in love with him. No doubt. Weren’t these feelings the beginning of it? Her heart began hammering, and she was surprised to realize it wasn’t by fear. Though the thought of falling in love had scared her before, the thought of falling in love withTristanthrilled her.
She grinned up at him. “Yes.”
“Are you okay with me calling youAngel?”
Oh, she wasmorethan okay. Alexa’s grin turned sly and she peered at him through her lashes on purpose, like the female leads from books. “I know you can’t help it because you think I sing like one.”
All uncertainty vanished from Tristan’s face. He chuckled, shaking his head. “No, it’s not that. I called you asiren,remember? I wanted to call you Angel because,” he paused and gathered her back in his arms. “You came like an angel into my life, spreading light and hope, andpulling me out of my shell and my despair. After you, I never wanted to go back to my old self again.”
Heat coated her cheeks, and Tristan lifted a hand to trace her blush. The sweet look in his eyes was turning her insides into a mush. “Angel and Knight.”
Goodness,whathad happened to the never-shy, never-blushing Alexa?
She’s being undone,Alexa told herself.