Page 47 of Echoes From Within
“I won’t share all of the details of her attack,” he finally says. “I don’t ever want that image in your head, but after an hour, my mother was barely alive. She screamed and cried out in pain, but she never fought back. With her last breath, she said,love you. But all I heard were the men saying,your fault.
After they killed my mother, they continued to beat my father until he too died with them taunting that his death was also on my hands. My young mind couldn’t handle what it had witnessed. For years I acted out. I threw tantrums and would often black out. Sometimes for days. Those blackouts happened for years before someone finally told me what was happening. It wasn’t until after Ma and Pops adopted me and fought for me that someone finally took an interest. I have what is called Dissociative Identity Disorder. My mind was so broken, baby, that it split itself in half. I became a person who I wouldn’t meet for many more years. The blackouts continued but I noticed that they only happened when my thoughts started to become overwhelmed by the memory of that night. I would wake up days later only for no one to even notice that I was gone. On those days, someone took over my body. He’s the one who saved you the other day.”
I don’t say anything as I try to digest everything he’s saying.
“Then one day, I started talking to this other person in my head. This other half. Then that one personality turned into two which eventually turned into three. Do you understand what I’m saying, Sophia?”
“You’re saying that you have three other people living in your head?” I guess. “I don’t understand.”
“Pretty much,” he chuckles. “It was hard for me to accept the truth at first. But, the doctors showed me cases where people had developed multiple personalities in the aftermath of trauma. It’s a way for our brains to cope with what we’ve been through. With years upon years of therapy and lots of conversations with professionals who deal with my type of mental disability, I’ve learned to accept the fact that I’m only one part of four.”
I don’t want to believe him. His story is so wild that it sounds made up. But, then I remember those times when it would appear as if I wasn’t talking to the same man when we were being held by Malachi. Could it be true?
“What did you mean when you said thathewas the one to save me?” I ask.
“The first alter, or personality, that appeared was an older man. I didn’t know his name for the longest time, but Ma and Pops called him Doc because of his fascination with all things medical. Doc was in control when he saved you. But Xander, another alter, was the one who fronted, or took control, and got my hard-headed ass over to your house. If it wasn’t for them, you’d be dead.”
“I’m really confused,” I admit. “But I believe you. There have been a couple of times when we were talking that you didn’t look back at me the same way you had moments before.”
“Up until last night I have always been myself around you,” he tells me. “But when we were in that cell, Xander was close to the surface. He wanted to take control so he could kill every single fucker in there. But, anyway, I told you all of that to tell you this. I understand not being able to feel. I understand the fear of being alone and scared. I was so fucking scared that my mind shattered and was put back together with school glue.”
“Did it help? When your mind shattered and came back with your alters. Did it help?”
“Sort of,” he admits. “At first, I was mostly confused and scared. But after years of learning and talking with my alters, we’ve become one single unit.”
“You can talk to them?” I ask, looking up from his chest to his eyes. “I thought you said you blacked out?”
“I did for the longest time,” he smiles. “But, for some strange reason, instead of blacking out, one day I just stood back and watched. I felt my body move around and I wasn’t the one controlling it. When things get a bit rough in here,” he points to his head. “Xander usually forces himself to the front. He’s the only one who can make me blackout these days. But we have a mutual understanding that I’ll hate his guts if he does.”
I shove my face back into his chest to hide my giggle.
“My alters are all part of me. They all share who I am as a person. We’re one well-oiled system and we all care for you deeply. Your mind didn’t break like mine did, but it still broke, baby. Let me help you fix it.”
“Can you make me blackout for days at a time?” I ask, feeling more tears on their way.
“No,” he says, squeezing me a bit tighter. “But I can help you feel again. We’ll find a way that doesn’t harm you. Now that I’m holding you in my arms, I don’t think I’d survive if I had to let you go. Let me take care of you. Let me help you.”
“What if I can’t be helped?” I ask. “What if I’m too damaged? What if I’ll forever be shattered into a dozen pieces?”
“Then I’ll be your glue. You won’t be able to go anywhere without me.”
I feel him smile against my temple and I poke his side.
His chest vibrates and I can only assume that he’s silently laughing.
“Sorry about your parents,” I whisper after a few silent minutes.
“Thank you, baby,” he whispers back. “I’m gonna fix you, Sophia. Do you want to know why?”
I nod my head.
“Because I can’t lose you. You don’t know this yet, baby, but you’re stuck with me until the day I die. If you decide that you don’t want to be with a crazy mental patient like me, then I’ll simply protect you from a distance. But know this, I won’t give you up easily. I will fight for you. Even if I have to fight you, yourself.”
“Alright, Mrs. Montgomery. Your husband has already signed your discharge papers. I think you can go home now.”
I sit up and look at the nurse smiling from the doorway.
“Myhusbandalready signed my discharge papers?” I ask slowly, making sure I didn’t mishear anything.