Page 87 of Just Like That
“I’m curious,” she continued, “what would have happened if this really had been a date?” Her knees separated and I nearly drove off the road.
I wanted her.
Desperately.
My pulse was racing and my mind struggled to stay focused on getting her home without tearing her clothes off.
“How wouldyouhave liked to end the date?” I knew countering her question was the coward’s way out, but I was struggling to maintain some semblance of control.
Every part of me wanted to pull over onto the side of the road, bend her over the hood of my car, and fuck her until she forgot her own name.
“Hmm,” she hummed, pretending to think as she tapped her lower lip. “Well, if it was agreatdate, I might have shown him my appreciation for such a nice time with an enthusiastic blow job.”
The car swerved as I jerked to the left. “Damn it,” I muttered as I adjusted my grip on the steering wheel.
Hazel chuckled, and it was enough to drive me wild. My foot hammered the gas, and the car hugged the curves of the road as I made my way toward home.
When I pulled into the driveway, the darkened house called to me. I needed distance from her before I did something utterly stupid.
I put the car in park and didn’t risk looking at her as I got out. “Good night, Hazel.”
“That’s it?” Her door slammed behind me and she sounded pissed, maybe even a little hurt.
Damn it.
I turned toward her and took in the fire that blazed in her eyes. Her chin was high and her cheeks were flushed. “I get a shitty nondate where you ignore me and then just ...good night?”
I blinked. She didn’t want to know what I really wanted. The way I obsessed over wantingher.
“What do you want from me?” I hated how cold and calculated my voice sounded.
Hazel scoffed, unafraid of the callous mask I’d unintentionally slipped on.
“Not this.” She gestured toward me. “I want that guy.”
Hazel pointed at the car. “I want the guy who can make a joke. The guy who wears a disgusting tracksuit because it’s funny. Who sings like Freddie Mercury and shakes his ass in front of the entire town. The one who couldn’t stop looking at me like I was the only woman in the room.”
Frustration gripped me. She was too damn young. It was far too complicated.
“Youwere,” I ground out. When her brow creased, I continued. “You were the only woman in the room ... to me.” I raked a hand through my hair, giving up on fighting it. “Do you really want the truth? The truth is, I can’tstopstaring at you. You consume my thoughts. I want to know what you ate. What made you laugh today. What you’d think about every tiny decision I make and whether or not you think I’m a good person.”
I stepped closer, closing the space between us and letting my gaze fall on her face. “I think about how I would live with the fact that I’m a bad man if you even saw a shred of good in there somewhere.”
Her chest rose and fell with labored breathing. Heat flared in her eyes. “But that’s just it! Youdon’tlet me in! No one gets past the walls you’ve put up, least of allme.”
She doesn’t understand.
My nostrils flared as I evened my breathing. “It’s my responsibility to hold it together. It always has been.”
“I am not your responsibility!” Her voice rose.
I stared at her, unwilling to back down, unable to move forward at the risk of sacrificing everything.
“Don’t just stare at me. Say something!” The crack in her voice was what tipped me over the edge.
I took another step toward her. “What do you want me to say? That I’ve never felt whole until you and Teddy showed up?” My fingers jabbed at my breastbone. “That I prayed for this aching loneliness to go away, and like some sick joke from the universe, the one woman to take it away is the one I can’t have? Is that what you want from me?”
Hazel shook her head, unafraid of the emotional vitriol I had just spewed in her direction.