Page 35 of Toxic Devotion
The babbling of a one-year-old had him coming to a halt. He glanced toward Marco’s office where he knew Cade and Marco would be, then turned and walked the few steps back to the living room. The little boy was in his playpen and his big eyes lit up when he saw Neil. He babbled some more, arms stretched up toward Neil.
His heart hurt with the regret only an orphan who could’ve prevented another kid from being orphaned could feel.
He walked closer and picked up Dante, tears stinging his eyes when the boy hugged him. He spoke to him softly whilehe rocked him. He was the cause of Dante’s heartbreak and yet the boy wouldn’t understand that until he was older. He didn’t deserve the affection Dante was showing him, but he took it anyway.
He rocked him for a little while longer, until he was asleep on his shoulder, and then he put him down in his play pen on a blanket. He ran a hand over Dante’s head, wishing he’d made a different choice. Wishing he could’ve taken Alicia’s place.
He walked out of the living room, content with the knowledge that Dante still had people who loved him, and he would do everything in his power to ensure he never lost any of those people.
He hid in the shadows, a tremble running through him when he heard Marco’s voice. He could see Cade standing in front of Marco, arms crossed, but he had a soft expression on his face as he listened to Marco.
“You understand what you’re asking of me?” Marco said. There was no anger in his voice. Only defeat.
“I do, but you need to mourn. You need to take care of that little boy,” Cade said, genuine concern in his voice. “Let me do my job and I will do her justice. I don’t care what you do after that.”
Marco nodded slowly and Neil watched as Rome escorted Cade out of the room. The second Marco was alone, he dropped his hands to his desk, a deep sigh escaping him.
“You need to let him do it,” Neil said, stepping out from his hiding spot.
Marco snapped his head toward him, eyes alight with anger in an instant.
“I know you don’t want anything from me.” He swallowed hard, eyes dropping for a second before reconnecting with Marco’s. “But Cade is damned good at his job.”
“He’s one of yours.”
It wasn’t a question, but he still found himself nodding.
“I’m not letting him do it because of you,” Marco said, voice low but his menacing tone had Neil straightening.
He blinked at Marco. He couldn’t see any other way for Cade to have convinced him to stand down other than having told Marco the truth about what and who he was. Cade was from a family of con artists and thieves. He’d wanted to be better. To do better. Then he’d stumbled into a CIA operation and had ended up being vital to taking down Richard Hughes, a terrorist who’d been planning something horrible. To keep his family safe, Cade had joined the CIA as Neil’s field operative. He’d given him a new identity and he’d joined the police.
“He told you?”
Marco didn’t speak or move, he simply glared at Neil with so much ire that he felt his heart burning as it broke just a bit more.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
There was a flicker of something in Marco’s eyes. Something soft and sad. Perhaps sorrow for what they’d both lost.
He turned around and walked away, knowing damned well he was leaving behind his heart. Why did he have to fuck up everything in his life? When Alicia had come to him, begging for his help, he’d told her no. He’d told her to go to her brother, to tell him the truth, because he wouldn’t go behind Marco’s back. Marco would’ve taken it as a betrayal, and he’d been so in love that he hadn’t realized Alicia had lied to him when she’d agreed to tell Marco. Reading people was a crucial part of his job and the one time he needed that skill the most, it failed him.Hehad failed.
He knew he wasn’t responsible for Alicia’s actions. She had made her own choices, as bad as most of them were, but he was responsible for his own. He had chosen not to help her. He had chosen to believe her.
His failings had led to the death of the one person Marco loved the most. He knew whatever they’d had was gone now. In fact, he wouldn’t be surprised if Marco wanted him dead.
He wished he could talk to someone?anyone?about this, but he’d only ever had one person he could talk to, and he was gone now. He had no one else. He was quite familiar with death. It had haunted him his whole life, taking every single person he had ever cared about, and now it even took away those it left alive.
Losing his family had been hell at such a young age but having no one caring about him since? There was a reason he’d been good in school. It was all he had. He’d learned to hide, to lie, to read people, out of necessity. He wasn’t sure he would’ve survived his foster parents if he hadn’t.
Perhaps what that CIA recruiter had seen in him was that no one would miss him. He had no family, no friends, and no one who cared.
He knew why losing Marco hurt so much. It wasn’t just losing the only man he’d ever loved. He’d lost the only person who’d ever cared about him. The only person who had ever truly known him. If Marco sent someone to kill him or if he came himself, he wouldn’t fight back. If he couldn’t have Marco, why would he care to live? The only thing worse would be if no one came.
Chapter Thirteen
Marco
THE WAITING was cruel. Though he wasn’t so sure seeing Cade walk into his restaurant with a grim look on his face was any better. He could tell from the man’s somber demeanor that he had answers. He knew who killed Alicia and despite looking like the last thing he wanted was to tell Marco, that’s exactly what he was there to do.