Page 47 of Toxic Devotion
He didn’t need anyone to spell out what he was doing. He was well aware. Going out in a blaze of glory seemed like a good way to go. He would get to see his parents. Alicia. He also knew what he’d be leaving behind, which was probably why he’d made sure one person knew where he was and what he planned on doing.
He wanted to kill these fuckers and if they got him too? So what?
The soft ruffle of clothing had him whirling around with his gun raised. He knew he was shaking but he also didn’t care when he came face to face with the one man he didn’t want to see.
“What the hell are you doing?” Neil hissed under his breath, hand wrapping around Marco’s gun to push it out of his face. “Have you lost your mind?”
Neil wouldn’t like his answer to that, so he kept his mouth shut.
“Marco,” Neil said on a sigh, hand running through his hair. “I can’t with you…”
He shoved his gun into his holster and gave Neil a dark glare.
“If I’m so much trouble why the fuck did you even come?” he asked, not bothering with keeping his voice down. He didn’t care if someone heard him.
Neil stared at him, those deep gray eyes making his heart beat faster. He clenched his teeth and started walking. A frustrated breath escaped him when Neil followed.
“What do you want?”
“To ruin your night.”
He came to a sharp halt, gaze snapping onto Neil and, how he wished the man was smirking at him. Instead, the seriousexpression on Neil’s face had his heart skipping a beat as dread poured into his stomach.
“What happened?”
“It’s about whatwillhappen. If you go through with this.”
He held back a curse and had to unfurl his fingers before his nails drew blood from his palms.
“I don’t care.”
“Dante will care. So will Rome,” Neil said, his voice low and soft.
“And you?”
The flash of pain in Neil’s eyes soothed his cold heart. He wanted to cause the man pain because it was the only thing that made him feel alive.
“You know,” Neil said, glaring hard at Marco.
He shrugged. “Couldn’t care less.”
“And here I thought you hated liars. When did you become one?”
“Fuck you,” he hissed under his breath.
“Why are you really here, and don’t give me some bullshit about justice or revenge,” Neil said.
Marco felt his jaw clench and tried to hide it by looking away, but he knew Neil had caught it. He always saw right through him.
“I just want it to end,” he whispered. He squeezed his eyes shut for a second, then looked straight at Neil. “What do I have to live for? Everyone I love dies. If I’m dead, I can’t lose anyone else. I can’t…”
Neil tried to keep his face expressionless, but his eyes gave him away. That armor of his could never truly stay in place when he was with Marco, and the tortured look in those grays told him that the man still loved him, and that knowledge burned something fierce in his chest. He didn’t need to know that. He didn’t want to know. It all just hurt too much.
“I can’t give you a reason to live. As much as I think you want me to,” Neil said and stepped closer. “You’ll have to find that reason for yourself. You’ll have to find that thing that makes the pain, all of it, worth staying alive for.”
“What if I can’t find it?”
Neil blinked, eyes looking unfocused for a split second before his searing gaze met Marco’s. “Then there’ll be two funerals.”