Page 101 of Cruel King
His chest expands when he laughs at that. “You don’t look like a troll, Ava. You’re beautiful. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life. Trust me. Your hair isn’t bad, and even if it is, I don’t care.”
“Well, I do. Why doesn’t hair ever look like it does when people sleep together in the movies?”
That makes him laugh again, and it’s such a wonderful sound that I don’t mind that he’s probably laughing at me. “Because they didn’t really sleep together. They just pretended. We did a whole lot more than pretend.”
Oh, God. He’s so comfortable talking about this, and I don’t know why, but I’m not. Burying my head in his chest, I mumble, “I know. I was there.”
“Is there something you want to talk about? You seem to be struggling with this.”
Damnit! I know he thinks I’m acting like this because he’s not Theo. I need to make sure he understands that’s not it at all. I don’t know what my problem is, but it’s not that.
I lift my head and see worry in his eyes. My ridiculous and very unsexy morning behavior put that there. I need to say the right things to make sure to banish that look forever.
Sitting up, I take a deep breath and say what I have to, no matter how stupid it sounds. “Matthias, I’m not struggling. I promise. Not with a single thing. I loved that we slept together last night.”
Before I can continue, he playfully says, “And early this morning. Twice.”
“You’re not helping.”
“Okay. Continue.”
“I’m not struggling. Honest. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Suddenly, I feel very self-conscious around you. I don’t even think I acted like this when we were first together five years ago.”
Matthias takes my hand and brings it to his mouth to kiss my knuckles. “Ava, it’s okay. I’ve earned all of this because of the way I’ve been to you. Deep down, you’re probably afraid my mood is going to change, and I’ll say something mean. I get it. But I don’t want you to worry. I’m not that person anymore.”
What he says rings true, but now doesn’t seem to be the right moment to say that, so I lean over and kiss him softly on the lips. “I’m glad you aren’t because I like this version of you.”
When I move to pull away, he stops me. Pressing his forehead to mine, he says, “I love you, Ava.”
I stare into his eyes and see so much emotion in them. He lets me go, and I sit up, stunned at what he just said. “You love me?”
With a smile, he answers, “I’ve loved you since before we were together that first time. I wasn’t supposed to even think about you, so I had to find a way to stuff my feelings down so no one would know. But I always knew I loved you. I understand if you can’t say it back to me. I’ve done nowhere near enough to prove to you I’m not that person who was so hurtful to you all those times. It doesn’t change the fact that I love you more than I can say.”
I kiss him to stop him from saying anymore. He doesn’t have to convince me he’s a better man now. I already know that.
And I know something else too.
“Matthias, I love you too.”
A smile lifts the corners of his mouth and lights up his dark eyes. “You love me?”
Nodding, I wipe under my eyes as tears begin to roll down my cheeks. “I do.”
He cradles my face in his hands, and against my lips, he whispers, “You love me.”
And just like that, all my worries about my messy hair and how I look in the morning disappear.
* * *
For the past month,Matthias and I have spent nearly every night together, and I think he’d spend every day with me too if it wasn’t for his responsibilities with King Industries. Sometimes we have dinner and then go for a walk like we did that first night. He tells me about his day and then asks me about mine. Other times we go out for dinner at a restaurant and then come back to the estate to stay in his house or mine.
I don’t know what made him change, but gone is the man who never had a kind word to say to me. He’s a different person now, someone who worries about how I’m feeling and wants to make sure I’m happy.
This morning when we left his bed, he asked me to make reservations at Cooligan’s, and for a fleeting moment, I considered asking him if we could go somewhere else. I stopped myself, though. I can’t live fearing the past will somehow make me uneasy when I’m with him. Theo and I were together. Nothing can change that. I don’t regret a single moment I spent with him, but those days are over. He walked away from me, and while I accept that I was partly to blame for our breakup, I know we were never meant to be.
He never responded to any of my texts or voicemails. I had to come to terms with that, and I have. Theo has his life, and I have mine, and now I have Matthias. I hope someday we’ll all be able to be friends again. Nothing would make me happier than to see the two brothers close like they used to be, and I’d love to have my best friend back in my life.
Only time will tell, but I’m hopeful.