Page 31 of Cruel King
She stares up at me with a look that tells me she doesn’t understand, but I hope she takes my words to heart because I know I’m going to have to pretend to hate her when my father returns. I don’t want to be like that with her ever again, but knowing how he feels about us being together, I won’t have a choice.
I sense she wants to question me about why I might act differently in the future, but instead, she pulls me to her and kisses me as she tugs my sweatpants down my legs. I get lost in the feel of her lips on mine as my body takes over and I gently push into her. She’s like heaven, and I don’t want this to ever end.
Even though I know it must.
I glanceover at the clock on the nightstand and see 12:33. Time flies when I’m with Ava, and more than anything else, I hate that. I want to revel in the moments with her, but they race by so quickly that I’m sure I’m going to forget some detail about our time together when I’ll need to find some measure of happiness once I’m consigned to the life I’ll be forced into in the coming days.
Ava shifts against my side and turns to look up at me. “You aren’t really into this show, are you?”
“Honestly, I haven’t been paying much attention. You seem to like it, though.”
She sits up and turns her body to face me, crossing her legs under her. “It’s okay, but I don’t want you to feel like you’re stuck watching something you don’t like. We can change it. I don’t mind.”
I shake my head and shrug. “I’d actually like to talk, if you’re not going to watch the show.”
That seems to excite her, and she nods as her eyes open wide. “Okay! What do you want to talk about?”
“Anything.”
In truth, I don’t care what topic we choose to talk about. I just like talking to her. It’s like I’ve got a million conversations stored up inside me that I can’t speak about to anyone but Ava.
“Okay. What are you going to do for New Year’s? Are you going to a big party or keeping things low-key?” she asks in an excited tone that tells me she really wants to know.
The problem is I have no idea. I’ve never been a huge fan of that holiday, so the idea of spending it with a bunch of strangers getting hammered as we count down the moments to the new year sounds less than appealing.
“I’m not sure. I’m not really a big New Year’s Eve person.”
She tilts her head left and right, as if she’s weighing the truth of that statement before saying, “Me neither. I actually find New Year’s kind of sad, but I think that’s because my mother got sick in January. Before we knew it, she was gone.”
Her sadness sinks into me, but I’m not unhappy about that. Ever since my mother died, it’s like I’m drawn to people who feel like I have from the moment she left us.
“I don’t blame you. I think I’m sort of like that about springtime. I used to love when winter would finally break, but ever since my mother’s death, all I can think about once the snow goes away is the day my father sat us down and told us she was terminal. It’s like all the good things I felt about that time of year were pushed aside and replaced by sadness. I hate that too because I used to love that first day when the temperature gets up into the seventies and my brothers and I would go outside and play catch, or my mother would pack us all up and drive us into the city to see my father at his office. Springtime in Central Park was always my favorite thing. I haven’t been back there since she died.”
Ava frowns as I explain my feelings about spring since my mother passed away, nodding like she understands. I think she does.
“Is that why you didn’t want to go with your father and brothers today?”
I shake my head, happy to explain why that trip held no appeal for me today or any other day. “No. I didn’t want to go because that’s the first step in my father trapping me into being who he wants me to be. I figure the longer I can put off being anywhere near King Industries, the longer I’ll be free.”
Looking down at her hands resting on her thighs, she softly says, “Maybe he’ll decide he doesn’t want you to go into the family business.”
With a sigh, I tell her what I’ve told myself every time I let hope seep into my thoughts. “That’s never going to happen. I had the bad luck of being born first, and because of that, I have only one future.”
When she lifts her head, I see sadness in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Matthias. I can tell it’s not what you want to do.”
“I have no choice,” I say, hating that truth more than anything else about my future.
“Will you have to move to some other city when you go to work for King Industries?”
“I’m not sure.”
Actually, I’m pretty damn sure if my father finds out I was with Ava, he’ll send me to an office so far away from here that I’ll be lucky if I can even communicate with others without going old school and writing letters.
“Oh.”
“Would that bother you if I did move away?” I ask, unable to stop myself from hoping she will miss me if I’m forced to go.
She turns to look at the TV as she answers, “Well, yeah. I mean, I’m just getting to know you, so I wouldn’t want you to move away.”