Page 81 of Cruel King
He shakes his head as he glares at me. “Because I knew that meant she fucking cared about you. She was mine, Matthias. Mine! You knew that.”
“Yours? And that’s the reason you left her here while you went off to live your life?”
My brother doesn’t answer my question before he walks away. He’s right. He always said he’d marry her when he was ready to settle down.
I want to do something to stop him, but after all I’ve done today, that’s unlikely. I watch my brother—the person I’ve always been closest to in the world all my life—and I can’t think of the words to say even if I could undo the damage I’ve caused.
Theo stops right before he gets to the stairs but doesn’t turn around. His head hung and his voice tinged with more pain than I’ve ever heard in him, he says, “You should have told me you were in love with her when she and I got together. I’m your brother, Matthias. You didn’t have to do it like you did. I wouldn’t have done that to you.”
An ache like I’ve only felt once before when I found out Ava left five years ago fills my chest until it hurts to take a breath. How could I have done this to him? Are my feelings for her any more real or important than his are? In truth, he deserves her more than I do. He’s been her best friend since they were children. What have I been to her that could compare to that?
I’ve been nothing but terrible to both of them, never once thinking about their happiness, and now he can’t even look at me when he says he would have done something I never could.
I’ve been cruel for no reason other than I was jealous. I have no other excuse than that. And now that jealousy that’s been eating me up inside for months has hurt Theo.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-TWO
Ava
For a week,I’ve hidden away under the covers and cried more than I thought possible for a human being. Just when I think I’m coming to grips with all that happened, a memory of my time with Theo washes over me and the tears come once more.
I had hoped to hit the anger stage by now, but that doesn’t seem to be anywhere on the horizon. I don’t know if I should be angry at Theo, though. All I felt when I watched his car drive away from the house was emptiness.
Like the most important thing in my life had just disappeared from it, leaving a hole inside me I can’t imagine ever being filled again. He was my best friend since we were young enough to not know anything but how much we made each other smile. We spent hours every day together playing, and as the years passed, he never threw me aside for new friends or because he chose a girlfriend over me.
I loved him before I even knew what love was. Theo was the cornerstone of my life here on the King estate. When he had to go away on vacations, he would text or call me every day to tell me what he was doing and how much he wished I was wherever he was to share in his fun.
Even as an adult, he and I kept in touch. Maybe during the past five years the texts and phone calls hadn’t been as frequent, but he was always in my heart and on my mind.
Yet now, he won’t answer a single text I’ve sent in the past week. Day after day has passed with dozens of texts telling him how sorry I am, how I love him, and how I’m begging for forgiveness, but he hasn’t responded to even one. I’ve tried to find the words to make him see I never meant to hurt him. All I want to know is he’s still my Theo, still the person who’s cared about me for all my life. If he doesn’t love me because of what I’ve done, I’ll understand even though I’ll be crushed, but if he can’t even talk to me because he can’t stand what he now knows about me, I don’t think I’ll be able to go on.
I type out a text and send it, my hopes still soaring with each time I wait for his response. A few minutes go by, and I make the same excuses I have for the past seven days. He’s busy. He didn’t get the message yet. He’ll text back as soon as he gets it. Theo always does. No matter what, he answers.
But then a half hour has passed, and he still hasn’t said a word. I question whether he received it, so I check my phone to see if it was actually sent. It was. Then I check to see if he got it. He did, a few seconds after I clicked SEND.
Staring at my phone, I silently will him to respond. Answer me. Please. Just give me a single word to let me know you’re thinking of me like I’m thinking of you. Say something so I know you don’t hate me.
He will. I know he will this time. My Theo, my best friend, always responds.
When I check the time and see an hour has gone by, I know the truth. Just like with every text over the last week, he received it. Maybe he read it. Maybe he immediately deleted it, unable or unwilling to see what I have to say.
He can’t forgive me.
My heart sinks as I admit that to myself. Will he ever be able to forgive me? He has to. He’s my Theo. Every other time we’ve had a fight, he always forgave me, and I always forgave him. That’s what friends do.
But that’s the problem. He’s not forgiving me for something I did as his friend. This is different. I need him to forgive me for something I did as his girlfriend.
What if he can’t?
I feel so empty, like I’ve lost the most important part of me, and I may never get it back. What will I do if Theo can’t forgive me? How will I live knowing he’s in the world somewhere and refuses to talk to me or see me ever again?
My phone finally vibrates against the pillow, and I pick it up as my hopes soar. No matter how angry Theo is, he sent me a text back. He’s not ignoring me anymore.
But the message isn’t from him. It’s from Lucas, the lawyer. I’ve neglected my duties as an executor all week. I’ve begged off, claiming I’m sick. He’s understanding, as always, and when I text back that I’m still under the weather, he immediately responds with a message telling me he hopes I feel better.
I’m not sure I’ll ever feel better if Theo never answers me.
My thoughts drift back to that moment as I watched him drive away. He never said goodbye or anything. He just packed his things and left. My heart sank at the thought that he couldn’t even tell me he was going.