Page 91 of Cruel King
I slowly turn around in my chair to see Marius smiling at me. “What are you talking about?”
He points toward the window. “You know. Working hard or hardly working? I’m thinking you’re a fine example of hardly working. What’s so interesting out there anyway?”
Shaking my head, I pretend it’s nothing. “Just looking at the grass. I guess I’m easily distracted today.”
Marius doesn’t believe that for a second, as he shouldn’t. I’ve never been a fan of anything concerning the lawn. Walking toward my desk, he leans over to the right and sees what I’ve been watching for the past fifteen minutes.
“Ah, that explains it. You know, if you’re that crazy about her, why don’t you actually make some effort to be with her instead of doing your stalker routine in here?”
I don’t answer his question. Anything I say would sound stupid anyway to Marius. A lot like Theo, if he cared for Ava, he’d just walk out there and talk to her. Then again, he wouldn’t have been the meanest fucker in the world to her either.
My brother sits down in the chair in front of my desk and folds his arms across his chest. “So you’re actually happy just watching her from afar? Is this some kind of self-imposed penance you’ve got going on?”
Since it’s clear I’m not going to be able to escape this conversation, I might as well be honest. “Yes. I’m sure you find that ridiculous, but you’re you and I’m me.”
He arches a single eyebrow and hums. “Hmmm…sounds pretty fucked up to me.”
As I shuffle papers around in front of me to look like I’m busy and he’s now interrupting me, I ask, “Did you come in here for some specific reason, Marius?”
“Just to say hi. We do live in the same house for the time being, Matthias.”
I stop pretending to appear like I’m busy and look over my desk at him. “Hi. Anything else?”
For some reason, that makes him laugh. “No, but I’m starting to feel like I’m talking to a robot right now. I just thought you might like to hang out for a little while.”
“I can’t. I’ve got a ton of work I need to do,” I say, returning to my paper shuffling.
“So I saw when I walked in. Tell me, Matthias. Don’t you think you’ve paid enough for who you are?”
That makes me stop what I’m doing and stare at him in confusion. “What does that mean?”
Marius looks over the things on my desk and shakes his head. “You never wanted to be this. You were forced to be what Dad wanted. If Mom hadn’t died, you may have escaped this life, but once she was gone, it was like Dad saw nothing but remaking you in his image. The four of us watched it and were sure you would rebel because we knew you hated the very idea of working for the family business. You never did, though.”
Listening to my brother narrate the past five years of my life makes me feel like someone’s put that familiar weight on my chest that threatens to suffocate me if I don’t do something to remove it. No, I never wanted this. That didn’t matter. As the oldest son, I had no say. This was my fate.
I don’t look at him when I say, “I didn’t have a choice.”
“That’s what I’m talking about. Once Mom wasn’t around to keep Dad from forcing this on you, your choices were gone. Don’t you think that’s enough punishment for you? You care about Ava. Let her know that.”
He has no idea what he’s talking about. Things are always so easy for him. He doesn’t make mistakes that hurt everyone around him.
“Not after all I’ve done to her. She may have been able to forgive me for all the cruel things I said, but now that she’s lost Theo, I can barely even face her. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with him. He should have come back here already and taken her away.”
When Marius doesn’t say anything, I look over and see him wearing a strange expression. “What? Do you think I’m wrong?”
“Theo can’t forgive her, Matthias. He can’t forgive you either, but I think you know that. But he’s not coming back for her,” my brother quietly says.
“You’ve spoken to him? What did he say?”
Marius blows the air out of his lungs and shrugs, but I can tell what he has to say bothers him. “Just that he can’t forgive her. You know Theo. Everything is absolutes with him. He loved her since they were kids, and I don’t think he ever thought she grew up. To him, Ava was that girl who adored him. When he found out she wasn’t that person he’d created in his head but a real person who does things he doesn’t agree with, I don’t think he could handle it.”
I toss a pen across my desk as I listen to his explanation, shaking my head. “Then he’s a goddamned fool. She and I had a couple days. That was it. Theo and Ava have a lifetime together. Anyway, it isn’t like she cheated on him or anything. Fuck, he went through girlfriends like they were water even before he became the famous driver he is now. All the while she was here adoring him, just like you said. This is what you get when you think someone is going to wait until you’re ready. He should have seen what she was to him instead of saying over and over that Ava was the type of girl you marry, not the type you mess around with.”
“See, that’s the problem. He put her up on a pedestal and then expected her to act like that perfect girl. The reality that she would have been with you isn’t something he can accept because he still thinks she should behave like he thought she should.”
Disgusted, I sit back in my chair and stare up at the ceiling. Theo needs to stop thinking Ava’s imperfect because she didn’t live up to his idiotic standards.
“You need to tell him he’s fucking up. Tell him to forgive her and take her away from here. She’ll go.”