Page 66 of Wild King

“Think long and hard about what Theo did all the time when it was the three of you. I know because he used to do the samething when I’d hang out with them. He left her with whoever was around to go with some girl. How can you not remember how many times you made sure she got home okay because he was gone off with whichever flavor of the week he was hooking up with?”

As much as I hate to admit it, Marius has a point. He’s exaggerating it, but he does have a point.

“That happened sometimes, sure, but that doesn’t change the fact that he loved her. He always did.”

“As a friend, Kellen. As a friend. Just like she loved him.”

I blow the air out of my mouth in frustration because it’s clear he doesn’t get it. “Fine. So he left her a bunch of times to go with other girls. Ava never cared. She was cool with it.”

“Because they were only friends! Jesus, Kellen! How can you not get this?”

Christ, I’m bored with this conversation already. Standing up to leave, I wave my hand trying to get rid of all his nonsense.

“Whatever. None of that matters because when he came back when Dad was dying, he was ready to settle down, and I know he had always told Ava when it came time for him to grow up, she was the one person he wanted in his life.”

Marius screws his face into an expression of pure disgust. “Well, Theo was a dick for doing that, and I don’t understand why you don’t get that. Did he actually expect that Ava would just be waiting around at the carriage house on our family’s estate pining away for him to finally figure out he wanted to settle down? What the fuck kind of bullshit is that?”

I stare down at my brother knowing whatever I say isn’t going to make a difference, but it’s damn time somebody finally said it. “Theo never made a secret of how he felt about her. So it wasn’t fair. So what? She loved him. If she didn’t, why did she hook up with him like they were finally going to be a couple when he came back?”

That stops him from talking finally. Maybe now he’ll see Theo wasn’t the bad guy but the one who was betrayed by both Ava and Matthias.

Marius sighs. “I don’t know why she did that, but that’s her business. Hers and Theo’s. But I can tell you for damn sure she didn’t do anything to hurt him intentionally. Ava couldn’t hurt a fly if she tried. All this time you’ve been blaming her, and that’s not right, Kellen. Ava loved Theo, but ask yourself this. If he truly cared that much about her, why did he leave and never answer her calls or texts? I know for a fact she tried to contact him for weeks after he left. She didn’t just jump from him to Matthias. I was there. I know. The two of them were torn up over what happened, and it took a long time for Matthias to even think about anything romantic with her. I was living at the house then, and I know neither one of them were happy about what happened with Theo. Nobody wanted to hurt him. They just cared about one another. Why is that a problem for you?”

Tired of all of these excuses, I bark, “Because Theo would have never left if Matthias hadn’t thrown it in his face that he slept with the one person Theo always loved! Why can’t any of you see that? He wouldn’t have left, and then he wouldn’t have hit that fucking wall! He would still be here with us if those two didn’t betray him!”

Marius jumps up from the chaise lounge and gets in my face, as angry now as I am. “Nobody fucking betrayed anyone! What makes you think Theo would have stayed here even if he and Ava were happy as clams? You knew Theo. Or at least I think you did, but since you keep clinging to this fantasy that he was going to get a little house and live happily ever after in suburbia, I’m doubting you really knew who our brother truly was.”

I shove him away from me, trying to hold back the rage but not having much success. “You don’t know that! Why wouldn’the? He would have had the person he always loved by his side, so maybe he would have gotten a place and settled down here.”

“Because that wasn’t who he was! You’ve created this person in your mind who didn’t exist. He never did. Theo didn’t want to settle down. His idea of that was to have Ava follow him around the world while he raced.”

I shake my head, refusing to believe his bullshit. “That’s not how it was. I know. He told me many times he loved her.”

“Yeah, and when the first problem cropped up between them, he bailed and never spoke to her again. He went to his grave without saying another word to her. Does that sound like love to you? It doesn’t to me. Stop thinking Theo was this angel and Ava and Matthias betrayed him. They didn’t. Two people got together one snowy day, and five years later, they realized they had things in common and cared for one another. What Matthias feels for Ava is love. What Theo felt for her was convenience, at best. He treated her like a friend when it was convenient for him to do so because he was off fucking anything that moved. Then when he saw her all grown up, he wanted her to himself, but what right did he have to expect her to never be with anyone while he was sleeping around with whoever he wanted?”

I don’t want to hear any more of this. I know what Theo told me. He loved her. He always did.

“Ava and Matthias don’t deserve to constantly be attacked for falling in love, dude. One day, you’re going to fall for someone, and I hope you don’t expect perfection from her like Theo did from Ava because that’s a sure road to disappointment. People have pasts. That he couldn’t look past her being with Matthias one time tells me all I need to know about what he felt for her. Ava deserves to be happy, not just waiting around for someone to find the time to finally be with her. Matthias gives her that. Why can’t you just be happy for them?”

Tired of listening, I walk away without saying another word. I never thought Ava didn’t deserve to be happy. That she’d pick Matthias over Theo will forever remain a mystery to me, but I never said she shouldn’t be happy.

I pass Salem on my way inside the house and hear her say something to me, but I don’t pay attention and walk up to my room. I don’t know what to think after all that Marius said, and now I feel like I’m betraying Theo by even considering not defending him anymore.

For the restof the night, I stay in my room, unable to do much more than think about all that Marius said. I never meant to be awful to Ava. Like he said, she is like a sister to me, and that’s even before she and Matthias got together.

Memories flood my mind from all those times Theo, Ava, and I hung out. Summertime parties and swimming all day and into the night. Football games, bonfires, and hayrides in the fall. Building snowmen and having snowball fights, along with ice skating when it was cold outside. The festival in the spring and all of Ronan’s baseball games. We were together, the three of us, for them all.

I smile at all the times we laughed until our sides ached and our cheeks hurt at some stupid joke Theo told. Never a dull moment when he was around.

Then I can’t help but let the memories in of all those times he left her with me. He always made me promise I’d make sure she got home safely. There were always girls to get to know, and why wouldn’t he go with them? It’s not like he and Ava were girlfriend and boyfriend.

I tear up at all this thinking about Theo. I’ve missed him so much since he died nearly a year ago, but I don’t think I actually thought about all the times we spent together until tonight.

Jesus, I’ve been such a horrible friend to Ava. Before she was with Matthias and before all this happened with her and my brothers, she was always just Ava, the girl who lived in the house closest to me. My friend. The girl who was in every class with me in school, who helped me when I didn’t do my homework or when I couldn’t figure out French for the life of me.

The girl I always knew would be in my life forever because one day she’d marry my brother. I just figured it was always going to be Theo and not Matthias.

Full of self-loathing and sick of sitting in the dark in my room chastising myself for every terrible word I’ve said to her and Matthias, I walk downstairs to the kitchen to get something to eat. Salem is sitting at the island with Nathan, and while usually that would make me turn around and head back upstairs, tonight I can’t take being alone with my thoughts any longer.