Page 18 of Benji

“You don’t cook?” he asked between bites.

I shrugged. “Not really. Our kitchen is tiny. The stove top works but the oven doesn’t. I eat more ramen than could ever be good for me.”

“Your landlord should fix your oven,” he said. “You have rights as tenants.”

That made me chuckle. “You see the world through the lens of a lawyer. It’s cute.”

“Cute?” He laughed. “Never been called cute before.”

He was ridiculously handsome, a little grey at his temples, and he got those creases at his eyes when helaughed. It struck me hard that I found him so attractive.

And that this was the closest thing to a date I’d ever had.

“So is this what dating is like?” I asked, only then realising how that sounded when his eyes cut to mine. “No,” I amended quickly. “I know this isn’t a date but is this what it’s like? Dinner at some guy’s house, talking and laughing as you eat home-cooked food.”

He smiled as he chewed and swallowed. “I guess. Have you never been on a date before?”

I shook my head. “Nope. Kinda cut the niceties and formalities and skip straight to the happy ending, if you know what I mean.”

He nodded, still smiling. “Well, there’s something to be said about that method too.”

“What kind of thing?” I didn’t mean to sound so defensive.

“That it’s valid,” he replied smoothly. “Some people don’t have the time or means for the niceties and formalities, as you put it. They have needs to be met, like everyone, without the preamble of dating. So yes, it’s a valid means to an end.”

I thought about that and expected him to find sex work denigrating or beneath him, but he didn’t. At least I didn’t think so.

“Especially with the likes of Grindr these days,” he added. “There’s barely any need for preamble at all.”

“You use apps?”

He shrugged. “I have. But I don’t like theanonymity of it. Most guys I know love it for that very reason, but it feels impersonal to me. Which is, again, why most men I know love it.” He sighed and sipped his water. “I’d prefer to meet someone face to face and have a conversation before we get to the happy ending part.”

This surprised me. “You are not in the majority.”

Of course, he laughed. “Oh, believe me, I know. And I’ve done the nameless, faceless fucks before. In nightclubs, backrooms, glory holes.” He shrugged. “I’m past that scene now. I’d rather have dinner with someone and have actual conversations before we get to the fucking.”

I chuckled and put my hand to my heart. “Such a romantic.”

He laughed again before he ate some more, and I really loved that we could talk so freely about sex.

“Most clients I have need the anonymity, and apps can be traced and tracked,” I explained. “Those guys don’t want names or conversations, and that’s fine. Then I have some guys who just want companionship. Most times sex, but not always. They’re just lonely.”

He nodded slowly, frowning. “I’m glad you help them.”

“Some guys have hang-ups and weird kinks that their partners wouldn’t understand.”

He smirked at me. “I bet you have some stories.”

I laughed as I nodded. “Oh yeah.” I paused for a few seconds. “Not that I can divulge anything.”

He laughed at that. “Not that I’d expect you to.”

We ate in silence for a while. It wasn’t awkward atall. Quite the opposite, actually. I was comfortable with him, and it took me a few moments to figure out why.

“You don’t seem bothered by my line of work,” I said.

He met my gaze, clearly surprised. “Why would I be?”