Page 26 of Stuck Together

Chapter 9

Madison

Morning came to fast. I spent the entire night tossing and turning unable to get thoughts of Logan out of my mind.

I can't believe I let him kiss me. Even worse, I kissed him back. And I didn’t just kiss him, I threw myself at him, straddled him on the couch, and was one clouded aching need away from dragging him to bed. I seriously underestimated how hard this would be.

I thought I could see him again and work with him without letting my past feelings interfere. Boy was I wrong. Turns out those past feelings were still strong.

Why couldn’t I just hate him and move on? The memories of that one night we spent together has haunted me. Not because I thought I still had feelings for him, but because of the pain that it left in my heart. I hadn’t been able to let myself love another man in the years since then.

I meant what I told him last night. I had loved him. More than anything. That was the only reason I slept with him.

Logan and I had always been close, from the first moment I met him. We were like siblings at first, but we quickly grew into friends. Best friends. We shared everything with each other and had no secrets. By the time I as fifteen, I knew I was in love with him, but I wasn’t sure he ever saw me as more than a friend. It wasn’t until his last year of high school that I knew his feelings for me shifted.

In the weeks leading up to that night, we went out on a few dates, kissed, cuddled, talked about where the future might take us. But we never once declared our mutual love for each other. I for one was scared. I didn’t know if he loved me and like a stupid little girl with big dreams and ideals, I thought if I gave him my virginity, he’d love me too.

When he dropped me off at home, he kissed me like he loved me. It was deep and passionate and full of so much emotion. He tossed that gorgeous smile of his, dimples and all, and told me he’d see me the next day. He even suggested that maybe we should tell our grandmothers that we had been dating. I was so certain that meant love.

When my grandma and I arrived the next day for brunch at his grandmother’s house, Logan was gone. Althea informed me he decided to leave a week early for college. He wanted to get settled into his dorm and spend the week looking for jobs or internships for the year. I was crushed. But that wasn’t even the worst part. My heart shattered into a million pieces when she said he had no plans to come home until the end of the semester, right before Christmas. It took every bit of strength I had not to cry in front of Althea and my grandma. I couldn’t let them see how much I hurt over his departure. Then they would know, and there was no way I could handle them knowing I loved him that much.

So when he left the next day and never called me, I assumed I was wrong about his love for me. I cried myself to sleep every night for weeks, begging my phone to ring with him on the other end. I never heard from him.

His leaving told me everything I needed to know. He didn’t love me, and he never cared for me the way that I cared for him.

And yet he kissed me last night in such a way that left my lips burning for more. I could still feel the heat from his mouth on mine. That hadn’t been a kiss without feeling and it left me wanting so much more from him.

I tossed the covers off me and sat up in bed. The sun was up, and I wasn’t going to get any sleep. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t hide away in my room all day. Maybe a hot shower would wake me up and give my tired body some life.

Now showered, dressed, and hungry, I stood behind my bedroom door for what felt like an eternity. I didn’t hear any sounds coming from the shared living space. It was just after seven and I didn’t know Logan’s morning habits. He could very well still be in his bedroom sleeping or getting ready for the day. Our meeting with the client wasn’t until ten, so there was no need to rush.

“Come on, Madison. Get it together.” On a sigh, I opened my bedroom door. The cabin was quiet and empty. Logan’s bedroom door was open, his bed made, and he was nowhere in sight.

I should have been happy he was gone, but to my surprise, disappointment washed over me. As nervous as I was to face him after that kiss, I wanted him to want to be here. Like a fool, I felt rejected all over again.

My growling stomach didn’t allow me much time to dwell on his absence. I slipped on my jacket and my scarf and headed out to find some breakfast.

Even more snow had fallen since we left dinner last night, but the sidewalks were clear. There were still a few ice spots, but for the most part the resort staff had cleared enough of it way to make for a safer and easier walk.

A quiet breakfast alone was just what I needed. I needed to clear my mind and figure out how I was going to handle the next couple days with Logan. Because no matter what—and no matter how I felt—I couldn't let him kiss me again. I couldn't relive the pain from my past. I wouldn't survive it a second time.

I headed for the restaurant and settled into a table tucked off to the side and off the main path. Back here, I should be able to go unnoticed should Logan arrive.

***

THE WAITRESS SAT MYbreakfast in front of me and refilled my coffee. I said a quick thank you and smiled at my food. I splurged on French toast with strawberries and a side order of bacon. I rarely ate anything this sweet or heavy for breakfast, but after the night I had, I needed some comfort.

Before I took my first bite a shadow cast over me. I looked up and met Logan’s deep blue eyes looking down at me with a neutral expression.

He was wearing gym shorts and a T-shirt and was definitely a little sweaty. “May I join you?”

I squeezed my eyes shut and turned away. I wasn’t ready to engage in conversation with him, especially not in public, but turning him away seemed like an impossible task.

Instead, I focused on my food and nodded.