Page 40 of Stuck Together
I had been waiting in the car for about five minutes when she exited the lobby with her suitcase in tow.
I got out of the car, popped the trunk, and helped her put it in. She gave me a close-lipped smile, avoiding eye contact. She wasn’t even trying to pretend things were okay between us. I watched her turn her back to me and my heart sank.
The past couple nights were some of the best nights of my life, and she would hardly even acknowledge me. I slid back into the driver's seat and, without a word, we drove off.
We were on the road for about twenty minutes when the silence finally became too much for me. I had to get her talking or else I’d lose her all over again. “You feeling okay this morning?”
“Yeah, fine.” She pulled her phone out and started reading something on her phone. How many times as she going to sayyeahandfine?Clearly, she was not fine, and clearly, she didn't want to talk to me.
Maybe I should just let it go, give her time to process whatever it was that was bothering her. But if I was the issue, I needed to know how to fix it. I needed her to know how I felt.
“Why are you giving me the cold shoulder? Did I do something wrong?” I asked.
“I’m not giving you the cold shoulder.” Her words were clipped and short.
“Really? Then what do you call this.” I pointed back and forth between us.
She leaned against the passenger door and stared out the window. “I don't know what you're talking about.”
“Madison.” I said a little too loudly causing her to flinch. Dialing it back, I took a deep breath before I continued. “We slept together. More than once, I might add. And now you're acting like you want nothing to do with me. What's wrong? I need you to talk to me. Please.”
“Logan.” She fiddled with the end of her scarf and I noticed a slight tremble in her hands. “I shouldn't have allowed any of that to happen and I'm sorry. I should have told you no and that's my fault.”
I bit back my anger and focused on the road. Dammit those words hurt and couldn’t have been further from what I wanted to hear. “You're telling me you regret what we did?”
She let out a long, deep sigh. “Regret is a pretty harsh word. I'm not sure I would say regret. But at the same time, it shouldn't have happened. And I'm sorry.”
“And what exactly are yousorryabout.”
“I’m sorry that I slept with you. I should have known better. We should keep it at friends.”
“Madison, I don’t think I can be your friend. I want so much more.” I gripped the steering wheel with both hands and gritted my teeth. “I’m glad we spent this time together. I’m not sorry for any of it. And to be honest with you, I kind of wish the roads were still a mess so we didn't have to leave so soon.”
“Logan. We can't ... can’t do this.” Her voice cracked and she gave a slight sniffle. “I'm sorry. It's too complicated.”
“Every relationship is complicated.” My voice raised several octaves. “We've known each other for years, Madison. It's not like we're strangers. It's not like we didn't know what we were doing or what we were getting into when we ended up in bed.”
For the first time since she returned from breakfast, she looked at me. “But so much about our lives have changed. You have a daughter. How is that supposed to work with me? Not to mention, you’re my boss. I can't afford to screw it up by sleeping with the boss. I'm sorry if that upsets you. And I'm sorry if that's not what you want. I can’t go through that pain again when you decide you no longer want me.”
“You weren't the only one that was hurt. I loved you and I know I made a huge mistake with I left, but I came back. You never did.”
Her head whipped around, and mouth fell open. “What did you say?”
“You heard me. That's why I left. I was convinced that you didn't love me the same way that I loved you. You always kept this distance between us, much like you are now, and I was convinced if I stayed, I was only going to get hurt.”
“You loved me?” she whispered.
Silence filled the car, and the tension increased several notches. We were right back to where we started, still blaming each other for our past mistakes. So much for letting the past go.
“You know what, no.” Madison turned to face, anger filled her face. “You expect me to believe that bullshit, Logan. If you loved me how come you never called?”
I let out a low grumble. That was the million-dollar question wasn’t it? There were some decisions I made throughout my life that, no matter the excuse I came up with, never really made any sense. “I don't know. I kept waiting for you to come back with your grandma. Every weekend she was at the house visiting, but you never came with her. I assumed you didn’t care.”
“But I did care. A lot.” Her voice trembled and she sounded so weak. For some reason, that made me even more angry.
“Well you had a hell of a way of showing it. Clearly, I suck at choosing women. First you leave and never come back, and then Kimberly abandons not just me, but our three-month-old baby, and now you do it to me again.”
As soon as the words came out, I regretted it. I had no intention of bringing up Kimberly. I figured at some point I’d have to tell Madison what really happened, but this was not that time.