Page 30 of Truck Up
“It’s Amelia.” Saying her name out loud feels both wrong and like a welcomed relief. We’ve been seeing each other in secret for so long that it’s good to finally get it out.
“Whoa …” He releases my shoulder and falls back on his ass. The look of shock on his face actually makes me chuckle. It takes a lot to shock Chase, and this definitely did the trick.
“Yeah.” I snort. “I may be fucked in more ways than one right now.”
“Amelia Koch?” He whispers her name like somehow saying it will cause all the Koch brothers to instantly teleport to our location. “That’s the girl you’ve been seeing?”
I nod.
“Fuck, man.” He sighs and rubs his hand over his jaw. “How long has that been going on?”
I shrug. “A couple of years.”
“What?!” He closes his eyes and tightens his jaw. “Dude, why her?”
“We didn’t plan it. It just … happened.”
“How does something like thatjusthappen? It’s not like you two hang out in the same circles. That had to take planning.”
“It just did, alright!” I yell. My anxiety is rising again, and if I don’t get a hold of it quickly, I’m going to be right back where I was a few minutes ago.
His question is reasonable considering he’s right. Amelia and I don’t run in the same circles and there’s no reason for us to have ever gotten together. We wouldn’t have if I hadn’t walked out and caught Badger assaulting her.
We sit in silence for several minutes, which I’m grateful for. It gives me time to focus on my breathing and calm the fuck down. I finish my cigarette and crave another one, but I don’t bother digging one out. I need to quit, but it’s one of the few things that keep my urges for drugs at bay.
“I take it, she plans on keeping it?” Chase asks.
“I think so, yeah.” I let my head fall forward and rest it on my knees. “I can’t be a father, Chase. I’ll only fuck it up.”
He reaches over and squeezes my shoulders. “No, you won’t. You’ll be an amazing father.”
I look up at him. “How do you know that?”
“Because you know everything not to do. You’ll give that baby everything we never had and more. I know it from the deepest parts of my soul.”
I shake my head. “I wish I believed that.”
“You’ll see. Just be patient with yourself.”
He takes a seat next to me on the step. Then lets out a deep sigh and looks around like he’s expecting trouble to come rushing around us. With the way this small town is, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit.
“When it gets out that she’s pregnant and you’re the father, it’s going to be an all-out war in this town. You know that, right?”
I nod. Knowing Amelia’s brothers, they won’t stop until I’m six feet in the ground. The feud between our families is toodeeply rooted in our lives and this community. No one will understand.
“We’ll deal with it when that day comes,” I say as I push to my feet. “Today, we need to deal with Mom and make sure she eats. She’s killing herself.”
Without another look at my twin, I head back inside. Mom may not be the best distraction right now, but she’s still a distraction. And that’s something I desperately need.
“Christian,you can’t just barge in here without an appointment,” Dr. Johnson says. “We’ve talked about this.”
I ignore her and drop into the chair opposite her.
“What good is a therapist if I can’t call on you when I need you?” She opens and closes her mouth several times as she struggles to find a response. My rebuttal is making it hard for her to maintain her professionalism.
She’s irritated with me, and I don’t blame her. I’ve done this more times than I can count.
Right or wrong, I stand by what I said. I never know what to say at our scheduled appointments. The timing is all wrong and pointless. I need to talk about my issues when they hit me. I can’t schedule my feelings. It doesn’t work that way.