Page 87 of Truck Up

“Anything you want to talk about?” I ask. Most of the time, his depression is under control. I’ve only seen him have a depressive episode twice before.

“I’ve made so many mistakes and led a harsh life, Lia.” His voice cracks and it causes tears to well up in my eyes. I hate seeing him like this. “I feel like I’m constantly being judged.”

I pull at his arm and force him to turn around and face me. I hold my determined gaze on him while I continue to wash away the dirt and grime from his body. “I’m not judging you. Never. I choose you. I want a life with you because you make me happy.”

He holds his arms out to the side and drops his head. “How is that possible? What’s happy about any of this? I’m moody and hateful.”

I cup his cheeks and force him to look at me. “Christian, stop. That’s not who you are. It doesn’t matter if you can see it, but you make me happy. We may not have planned this, but that doesn’t change how we feel. We will make this work.”

“It shouldn’t be this hard. Your brothers stalk you wherever you go. Your mom won’t stop crying and your dad still hasn’t talked to you since the night he found out you’re pregnant. Is that really what you want?”

I huff and add more soap to the washcloth. “My family’s stupid. And that’s them ruining their lives, not mine.”

“Lia, angel. I’m scared.” He sighs and drops his forehead to mine. “Everything I touch turns to shit. I can’t live with myself if I turn you to shit too.”

“Wrong. All wrong.” I grab his hand and press it to the slight bump on my belly. “We did this together. You and me. We created life, and that is not shit. This is something wonderful.”

He stares at his hand on my stomach, and a tear breaks free from his eyes. It kills me to see him like this. My tough, powerful man is too hard on himself. I wipe away the tear and press upon my toes to give him a kiss. The relief that washes over him is palpable.

“Christian, I need you to hear me.” He lifts his eyes to meet mine. “I want this. All of this. With you. There isn’t anyone else on this planet that I want to spend my life with. Tell me you understand that.”

He nods, but he doesn’t look convinced.

I growl, and he rears his head back in surprise.

“Tell me in words.” I demand. “And tell me you want me too.”

“I want you.” He lets out a deep breath and his entire body sags. “Hell, I need you, angel. You’re the only thing I’ve ever allowed myself to want.”

“Okay then,” I say before I get back to scrubbing his body clean. I feel his eyes watching me, but I don’t look at him. He needs to accept that I’m not going anywhere. I’m ready to help him through all his struggles—his addiction, his depression, his mother, all of it. I’m not going anywhere.

Once his chest and arms are clean, I step back and motion for him to turn around. He does so without question. I scrub his back clean first and then his ass and legs. After that, I wet his hair and scrub it clean with shampoo.

After I’m done, he grabs my hand and pulls me into a tight hug. “Thank you,” he whispers.

“Anything for you.” I kiss his shoulder. “That’s what we do for those we love.”

All the tension he’s been holding onto melts away, and he relaxes into my hold. Then he kisses the side of my head.

A tinge of disappointment niggles at my mind that he still can’t say the words to me. I so want to hear him confess his love to me.

But I feel it in the way he holds me. I feel it in his everyday actions.

I know Christian loves me, but knowing it isn’t quite the same thing as hearing the words.

Chapter 18

The devil never wins.

Christian

In one swift move, I crack the cue ball with the end of my stick, and it slams into the rack with a loud wack. The balls go flying across the table. One solid and three stripes make it into the pockets.

“Looks like I’m stripes,” I say to Chase. He groans because he’s never been as good at pool as me. I’ve beat him three out of the last four games.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” His shoulders sag as I make my next three shots before missing.

“Maybe you’ll catch up on this turn.” I tease, but I don’t smile. I rarely smile for anyone except Amelia.