Page 47 of Lost In The Dark

“Yeah, you know like those ladies who wind up just them and their fifty or so cats? That’s what I’m planning, only I don’t like cats…o-or they don’t like me, anyway, so I’ll have dogs instead,” I explained.

“You can’t have fifty dogs. We’ll be old by then. We’ll need you to take care of us,” Eli told me with a smile.

“Jees, my dreams of dying a lonely old woman who gets eaten by her dogs sure got dashed quick,” I mused dryly.

“Damned right. Like any of us would allow that to happen,” Adam told me firmly, only making me laugh again at the fact he was taking me seriously.

“Fine! Fine! But I still can’t marry you Jordan. Sorry. It seems I’m destined for a nun like existence until I’m required to take care of my elderly brothers.”

“Good. Now that that’s all taken care of, did we pick a movie?” Asher asked as he dropped down into an armchair and sent me a smile that made me feel all warm inside. He was looking at me with what looked like pride, but I had no idea why. I’d had another meltdown after a nightmare and I was barely clinging on. I was a mess and if I were him I’d be worried about what I’d gotten myself into. Still it was a nice feeling. I knew for sure no one in my life had ever been proud of me. My own mother had made it perfectly clear I was nothing but a failure and disappointment to her.

“Addy?” I looked up and realized I’d zoned out again.

“Huh?” I looked between the four of them, not even sure who had called my name.

“Big brother was just checking I didn’t bully you into watching an action movie,” Jordan told me as he nodded to where Asherhad moved forward on his chair and was looking to me with concern.

“Oh no, he didn’t. I like action, especially the cheesy eighties ones. I used to have them all on DVD,” I explained as I thought of the film collection I had amassed, all now probably thrown in the trash.

“DVD’s?” Adam laughed. “Did you even have anything to play them on? They died out a decade ago.”

“I did actually. I couldn’t afford those subscription services, but even if I could, they don’t have many of the movies I love on them. It’s all the new releases and modern stuff. That’s not my thing, except for the cooking shows,” I defended myself.

“I’m sure we could get hold of a DVD player so you could get your collection back,” Eli spoke up making me smile as he pondered the subject so seriously. “You need to make me a list and I’ll get to work on it,” he added as he looked to me.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to do that,” I told him, but he refused to take no for an answer and then they were all coming up with titles of eighties action movies, all of which Eli was making a note of on his cell.

Eventually they ran out of ideas and we settled down to watch one of the listed movies Jordan had found. I fulfilled my quota of chocolate, eating way more than I should have, along with about half a pint of ice cream which Jordan kept silently handing to me. I ended up so full that I felt ill, but the treats had been nice, almost as nice as it felt to be pressed between Adam and Jordan on the sofa.

As the snacks were abandoned about halfway through, all of us too full, I found myself leaning into Adam. I sat up hurriedlyand apologized, but he just took my hand and pulled me until my head rested against his arm. He lifted it and wrapped it over the back of the sofa, so I could rest my head on his chest. It was a little awkward at first, but in minutes I had relaxed against him and sighed in contentment. He was just so warm and comfortable to rest against and it felt too good to turn down.

Ten or so minutes later, when I started to fidget my feet, to ease the tension on my ribs, Jordan grabbed my feet and pulled them into his lap. The position helped ease the discomfort a lot. I looked to him and smiled gratefully as he laid his hands on my pajama covered calf. Again, I knew it was weird, laying between them both when I barely knew them, especially after everything that had happened to me. But I felt safe and settled with them and I needed that. I needed the peace being close to them seemed to give me in my head. Their touch quietened the demons and I was too exhausted and broken to deny myself that small amount of solace.

CHAPTER 15

ADDY

I was amazed how much better I was feeling the next morning as I made my way downstairs.

I’d woken just thirty minutes earlier from a pretty sound sleep. I’d only had one nightmare all night, and it hadn’t been the terror filled screaming variety. Of course the fact I hadn’t gone back to sleep at all the night before that - the night we had ended up watching the movie together, after my screaming nightmare - had meant that I was so tired all day I had barely been able to keep my eyes open.

I had been like a zombie all day, and everyone, especially Eli and Adam had tried to convince me to take a nap multiple times, no matter how much I refused. I was just so afraid of sleeping after the nightmare the night before. I honestly wasn’t sure I had the strength to survive another flashback like that. It hadn’t left me for hours, and even when the smell of that room and my blood diminished, I could still hear my own screams echoing through my mind when silence descended around me.

Eventually exhaustion had won out and I had fallen asleep cuddled up against Asher while we watched some boring rerun, late the previous evening. He must have carried me to my room, because when I jumped awake from the one nightmare I’d had,I’d been in bed and Asher had been in the armchair right beside me, snoring quietly.

I hated the fact he slept in that uncomfortable looking armchair when he was with me, but when I’d told him he could lie on the bed beside me, like Eli did, he refused, saying he still had some violent nightmares occasionally, and he was terrified he’d hurt me if he laid beside me. It was the only time since I had met him that he had shown any kind of doubt in himself. He was always so sure and strong. To see him seeming slightly vulnerable had me wanting to find a way to care for him just as much as he had cared for me.

He had still been in the armchair, fast asleep when I woke up that morning, so I had left him in peace and hurried through my routine of showering and getting dressed.

Now as I made my way to the kitchen in search of breakfast, I felt a little lighter than I had in days. I had slept well, and my pain seemed a little less. The noise in my head was actually quieter for the time being, and I even had a little more strength in my weak body. The sleep had worked a miracle.

“Hey princess,” Jordan greeted as soon as I walked into the kitchen.

“Morning,” I returned with a smile I didn’t have to force. Ever since the night Jordan and Adam had been with me after my nightmare, things between us had become a lot easier. After practically laying on top of the both of them as we watched the movies that night, I was no longer afraid of them. In fact I felt almost as safe with the both of them as I did with my brothers, and it had really helped me to get more comfortable in the house. I no longer feared walking into the kitchen and seeing Adam or Jordan. In fact it was the opposite. It made me feel allwarm inside when I saw them, the two of them always having a smile for me.

“How did you sleep?”

“Pretty good. I actually feel a lot better this morning,” I told him with a smile.